Proverb 8:17

Finally home. I had this brilliant post all thought out in my head in the car and now that I am home I am beyond exhausted and I know its not going to sound as good as the original idea ( just wanted to warn you) So I got the new Flyleaf cd and I was quite disappointed, until I got to this one song that made the entire album worth it. Its called Treasure. "Refined I'll become the most dazzling precious treasure I'll be treasured over all the earth " Those are some of the lyrics. Your a treasure. Someone would give their one and only son for your sins. WOW for a long time I didn't truly comprehend that. You hear it so often in church because It is a HUGE Deal but I had almost started tuning it out. Then one day I was reading and it clicked. Thats so much love its so hard to comprehend. Treasured over all the earth. Everything, money, clothes, houses, cars, sports teams, So.. out of everything He created WE ARE HIS FAVORITE. Such a cool concept. So the next time you want to self destruct rather its over eating, under eating, physically cutting, emotionally cutting, remember you are his treasure who is treasured over all the earth. Imagine someone hurting something you love so much you gave your only son for. SO much pain I can't even begin to imagine. " I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me " I don't understand how people who don't believe in God go on through life. Some days are just so hard without his undying love I think I would just die.

Luke 10:10

LAWD. I am exhausted. I seriously have not had the energy to post. SO so SO much going on in my life. Today I had an AWESOME lunch with some great, sweet WOG that I ate lunch with in high school my senior year. I am so extremely blessed to have crossed paths with these fabulous girls. I love how God doesn't necessarily put the people in your want in your life, he puts the people you need in your life. He takes care of your needs no matter if you ask or not. Its the wants that you must ask for. "For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened". Such a simple concept. Such a heavenly, perfect concept. I mean really if I ask the government to please not charge me taxes because I would rather donate that money to St. Jude's hospitial they would more than likely laugh in my face. But If I tell God that I want to help St. Jude's hospital he will more than likely present a way for me to help them, rather with my time and efforts, or money.

1 John 4:8

No matter whatever happens, whatever sin you commit, what glory you earn, the keeper of history, The Lord of Lords, Creator of EVERYTHING loves you, forgives you wants you... FOREVER. If everyone could wrap their minds around this there would be no such thing as atheist or agnostic or any other organized religious group that doesn't believe in our God. I just bought Christy Nockels new cd and there is a line in this song called Choose it says "For You have long pursued my wandering heart " Its so true. No matter what you do to push God away, ignore him, felt far away from him denied him, put him off HE STILL WANTS YOU. There is nothing else I have ever found that still wants you even if you deny it or ignore it repetitively. He loves you even if you don't believe in him. He forgives, he accepts. I feel like as christians we should REFLECT that and try to be human temples of God and REFLECT his behavior like a child is a sponge of everything around them you should be this of God. You are a part of a greater plan, his plan and he is the leader therefore you should REFLECT his master plan. We are running into Marvelous light HIS marvelous light, not yours. Therefore Judgement should not be our job. I heard it somewhere before and I can't exactly remember where "When you are judging someone you don't have time to love them". Love is exactly what God is. "Whoever does not love does not know God because, God is Love" One of the most simple, and under used bible verses of all man kind.

Psalm 107:8, Psalm 108:4, Psalm 73:26

POST TIME!!! yay!!! :) then bed time... EVEN BIGGER yay!!! haha I am exhausted! Long, Long day. I have recently started to realize something. There is no possible way to ever truly appreciate God. I mean really think about it, we can't even BEGIN to comprehend how much he has done for us. He for one created us.. WOW i don't think I could create a person much less ALL OF HUMANITY!! seriously? only one way this could happen,

ONE BIG BRAIN + ONE BIG HEART = GOD

Thats it, I cant think of anyone who has a quarter of the amazingness that God has. NO ONE!

Therefore, I am SICK of people acting snobby. Seriously be nice to everyone, they will be nice back and the world goes round and round. "Let them give thanks to the Lord, for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men." websters defintion :Unfailing - without error or fault SO.. his love is PERFECT. name something humans produce that is perfect? NOTHING! I have never discovered perfect love from one human to another, there is always going to be something that ruins its purity, selfishness, jealousy, lust. Another verse I found was "For great is your love, higher than the heavens." Higher than the heavens, thats not even possible for humans, we can only hold so much love. How Great is Our God? "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and portion forever". Forever.... wow thats not even possible to comprehend.

Numbers 14:18, Proverbs 19:1, Romans 12:14, 2 Timothy 3:4,9

I wish I was smart enough to go to medical school. I would really love to fix people. Emotionally that is. Tonight one of my ex's, not going to mention a name I am going to use the name Red. He was absolutely horrible to me, used me manipulated me and all I got out of my relationship with him was hurt. The majority of my friends hate him and would love to do horrible things to him. But honestly this is going to sound cocky but I feel for him. He doesn't realize how much one person (that person being me) cared about him and he has lost that person and if he died tomorrow he would die lonely. He asked me what went wrong and I straight up told him and gave him some truthful advice. Now rather he takes it or not is another story. I felt really great about this situation when I realized I never felt one bit of attachment to him. Its so funny how you get over people you never thought you would. "The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." I began thinking about my relationship with Red and it really makes me thankful that he treated me like shit...... It makes me appreciate Metro even more. It helps me to acknowledge how truly blessed I am to have such a wonderful man who knows or somewhat knows how great I am. I am looking back at all my relationships and I truly feel like they have all helped me, if it was to appreciate myself or to appreciate what I have it all led me to this rode, where I am the happiest I have ever been. The only relationship I cannot figure out what I learned is the one with, well lets call him Black beard. He was great for a bit but turns out he cheated on me, with my best friend. Like he would literally leave me to sleep with my best friend then come back when he was done, all while I was oblivious. How did I benefit from this? Not to trust? To stay scared to get attached because anyone, literally anyone could take advantage of you that way. Its not one of those hurts you get over its like a worry thats added to your load. " Better a poor man whose walk is blameless than a fool whose lips are perverse." I learned not to settle with, Lets call him Clinton. I dated him for two years and I was happy literally half a year out of those two. I felt lucky to date him and catered to him, worried about his happiness all the while I drifted into a depressed state because his ass hole of a self didn't give a damn about my feelings. The only person who knew how manipulative he was, was my mom. She knew not to pressure me into leaving him. She knew that when I commit to something I commit full heart and that I needed to realize myself or I would never learn. Sure I feel like I wasted two years of high school that I could have had a better time and learned more and been more involved like I loved to be but instead I was on the sidelines of his ball games or nursing him from surgery, but I also learned that if you don't take care of yourself then why should someone else? "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse." I learned from, lets call him coach that not all men are who they say they are, he made himself out to be a huge christian with big dreams who turned out to be a creep wanting sex. "Treacherous, rash conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone." I feel like I have made it pretty far and I am happy I have learned as much as I have in such a quick amount of time. These are only the major relationships I have had, therefore I learned the most from them.

Hebrews 13:8

Think about if every single person in the world, ALL of them had this mind set "What can I do to make the world a better place". Even though we are not all do-ers there are many thinkers out there, the world would still have a lot more positive thoughts and some positive actions. I think the hardest thing is getting the positive ideas out there. With a world with so many competitive, negative, judgemental vibes and attitudes out there it is hard for the positive ones to flourish when the ratio is 1:3. I am some what ill. I feel like the positive people in my life aren't the people who matter the most. The people who mean the most to me are the ones who are bringing me down. I am sick of it. I am always the good friend standing in the rain for you! whens my turn?!?! I feel un-missed and I am fed up! yet when they come back to town I will be the one who is sketch and doesn't visit, not doing anything with her life and still in this sucky ass town. I AM FED up!!! Just because I didn't dash off the first chance I got because I have dreams that ask more of me than a high school graduate doesn't mean I am not doing anything. I don't ever want to be the one who has to have her parents pay her bills or buy her kids christmas. I want to learn all of these things the right way the FIRST time. When I have needed my girls, when I hit rock bottom they were no where near me and when they were there were more important things on their agenda such as getting trashed. I am sorry buy I am happy with who I am and actually like the people I surround myself and don't feel the need to black out. There is so much more you can accomplish with your time when you aren't obsessed with boys, drama, partying, pleasing other people. I mean I stopped worrying about these things and the most perfect boyfriend ever just waltzed into my life. I have gotten so much more done at work and I like myself. For the first time in a long time I can honestly say that and mean it, I like myself. I think I am trying the best I can at everything I am doing right now and I like where I am as a person. I am living to my own standards not everyone else's and I can be by myself and I am completely ok with it. It is funny and I realize I am the one changing. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever". I love it.

Psalm 46:5

VULNERABLE ..... that is probably hands down my biggest fear. I hate the feeling more than any other feeling in the world. I honestly think I would rather be in physical pain than feel vulnerable. Its why many of my relationships don't survive much less thrive, Its why my mother gets angry at me sometimes. She confuses it with lack of compassion when truly I totally have the compassion I just don't display it because my fear of being vulnerable. I am not quite sure where the root of this fear started. The last time I remember publicly crying was when I lost my grandmother when I was seven which was eleven years ago. When I cry is when I feel most vulnerable. I was in a serious relationship with a guy for two years and he literally saw me cry twice. Once when I was scared because our relationship was going to fast and he told me how he felt about me. The second time when I thought my parents marriage was going down the drain. My lifelong friend Grace, friends since I was three, has seen me cry three times, Once over a movie, twice over our siblings health (my sisters asthma and her brothers heart surgery). My best friend Anna, friends since before I could remember, has seen me cry once, when we were nine because I was moving away ( haha twenty minutes we were Drama queens) I occasionally cry when my mom and I get into an argument but she is the only one who sees. I just can't let my guard down. I don't like it it scares me and I avoid it at all cost. I think this is going to be my new years revolution. "God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day." I feel like if I felt ok with being vulnerable every once in a while then the people I surround myself with and care about would understand me a bit more. So we will see where it goes......

Psalm 56:4

Well lets play catch up. I have almost finished shopping for friend presents, now just family and boyfriend presents. Yes I said boyfriend. The commit-phob is in a relationship. Haha miracles do happen:) or just wonderful people happen to be in your life. I am not sure how to handle it. I seriously am scared beyond anyones comprehension. I don't wanna fall hardest. "The person who cares the most has the least amount of control". This always scares me. I fall harder hand over control and end up hurt EVERY SINGLE TIME! This time I have been really slow about letting my guard down and metro is absolutely A-OK with it. He is probably one of the most respectful people I have ever, EVER met!!!! There is no rush for anything and nothing is expected of me. "In God, whose words I praise, In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" He understands more than a lot of people and what he doesn't he tries really hard. He is so sensitive and classy. I have no fear of how he will act around anyone and he is definitely one of the smartest people I know. Therefore I am falling but extremely, EXTREMELY slowly :D On a sad note our sweet kitty Mango got ran over and killed by a car yesterday:( We are all having an extremely hard time with this. I think Mom is having the hardest time. Last night we went to Gaffney and when we came home Mango use to greet us and follow us to the door for us to put her in the garage to bed and feed her and play with her and for the first time in three years she wasn't there. Mom cried the entire way to the door. It was pitiful. Things will get better. Christmas is coming and it should lift all of our spirits.

Proverb 1:33

wow, everytime I think I can be any happier God throws more wonderful things into my lap. Last night I started sketches that could be the start of a line I never thought I would have an interest in.......... Maternity Clothes. Crazy I know, I mean really who would have thought with me I have ultimately no interest in EVER in a million years having children or possibly even getting married but it just started flowing from my pencil and they are a bit rough as of now but are in general a very solid start. I started with wedding gowns and quite honestly they look like shit. I can come up with the dresses in my head but it is so dern hard to get them onto paper. But I am going to work on it. " but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm" I have many marketing ideas for my brand which would be named "What would Jesus wear" I would have a bible verse in every tag. He is just laying all of these ideas in my lap.

Romans 12:2

Well.... I am yet again neglecting my blog.. my life has been way way too hectic!! but to make it short Metro met 2/3 of fab four and it went well. I went to the thanksgiving dance and it was fun and now all of them have gone back to school. Metro met my mom and sister and that went well and I am pretty content with my life. I am finally beginning to catch up haha. Today like not even ten minutes ago a thought crossed my mind. What is your life about?

I think that is such a hard question to even begin to answer. I don't know if its because I am young and my life has just truly begun or what but I don't like not having that answer. I feel like I do all I can to make the world a better place what does that really mean? I mean we all have a general answer, world peace, love and happiness but what about when it comes to the specifics? We all have different opinions and what about when they clash. "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect". Such confusion. I think I am at the start of something.

Mark 6:34

I am scared shitless. Everything in my life is going so perfect i can barely enjoy it all. I have the best family in the whole wide world, my friends are so amazing and I don't quite understand why God put such a perfect man in my life. Metro is absolutely the most perfect man i have met ever. Seriously I honestly, one hundred percent would not change a thing about him. NOT ONE SINGLE THING!!! I think this is the first time in my life I am talking to a guy i don't want to fix. Its refreshing in so many ways its not possible to put into words. My work life is going pretty awesome too!!! We have been so so busy!!!!!! VERY productive :) "And he said to her , Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering". Life is Good

John 15:13

Its been a rough couple of days. Too much stress= exhaustion. I literally slept 15 hours last night. I went to bed at midnight and didn't get up until 3:30. Work has been so hectic and backed up which leads to everyone at each others necks which leads to stress and not getting as much done as you need to. I am learning to balance everything out and I am extremely blessed to have such wonderful, patient people around me. This week will be a week of thanks giving. I want to make a point to literally tell everyone I am thankful for I am thankful for them and the certain little thoughtful things they do that make them them. I am so lucky to have as many wonderful friends I have and I know there is a purpose God has put each and everyone of them around me. "Greater Love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" This bible verse applies to me in many ways. I am so attached to my friends. I am think I am the best friend I can be to them the majority of the time. I am the friend you can call when you need to talk or come pick you up. I have friends that are absolutely worth it to me. I don't have any idea where I would be without them

1 Peter 4:8

Wow, my life is completely out of control again. very, very stressed therefore I am even more tired and on top of it I am getting ready to start my "lovely" time of the month, FML haha it will all get better. One of the fab four is coming home tomorrow!!! YAY and i am taking a half day on Friday!!! And Metro is meeting my parents on Friday night :) Shall be fun... I dont think he realized what he is getting himself into! STILL so much homework which I haven't even started and my classes are going to be even more consuming next semester. Its all a balance and I am working at it "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins". I am having some issues with containing my temper. I work with someone with very shallow incosistent disrespectful ignorant ideas she likes to pester everyone else with and it is extremely unnerving!!! I seriously feel like my blood pressure is raising every time she enters a room!!! I am definitely praying hard on it to learn to love her. Also the silly little petty things that come with working with all women is definitely stressful. THINGS WILL GET BETTER! tomorrow is Thursday!!! yay!!!!! :)

Jeremiah 12:3

Hunger for truth. Those three words are exactly how my heart is feeling. I just feel like I want to accomplish so much greater than myself. I was literally brought to tears tonight by complete, passion for God. I was looking at the Passion tour '09 in Atlanta and it inspired me in so many ways and helped me to see more clearly what God has laid in my lap. I do so much more good than I realize. I think God has had me doing it blind sighted for a while because I generally do things by the way I feel, then I think it through. I am more than likely not going to go to the conference but I do want to get involved with something bigger than myself that I can help to flourish and grow and become closer to God. I haven't determined it yet but I know I will find it. I do not think it is church. I have such bitter feelings towards organized religion. I have been hurt repeatedly by churches, and denominational attitudes that have just come between me and God (not literally but have interupted the flow of my relationship with God) and I just can't see myself at 18 years old, on the peer of adulthood finding a church family where I will flourish and develop as a christian. I know that church's are made up of humans, AKA not PERFECT creatures but I feel more at home, welcomed, loved and less judged in pretty much anywhere but a church. I am sick of being hurt and discouraged by people who claim to have the same love and similar views as I. It hurts and thats when I am questioning God the most, when other people who claim to also be his children turn against me instead of treating me as their sister. "Yet you know me, O Lord; you see me and test my thoughts about you" I will pray further and know that my path will be lit.

Colossians 1:10

Beginning.................................. Such a positive word. Totally what I am feeling at this very moment. I just feel like I have fresh eyes to everything. Everything is new and an experiment. I love this! I am in the process of cleaning my room and "getting back to basics" I am planning on getting my paints back out for the first time in a long, long while and sleeping the day away tomorrow :) I feel very, very free. No commitment, no obligations, just me and Jesus time! Reflection, Growth, development and direction. Thats precisely what I want and I just hope and pray that distractions are destroyed and put away. It has been a STRESSFUL week. I really needed this calm atmosphere God is providing for me. Its so easy to forget that he is the one who is providing this all for you. "And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God". I think I may read the Prayer of Jabez again. I have not read it in several years and I have a need right now for more logic behind these feelings I have for God. Luckily, that is a good thing Metro has rubbed off on me. I want more reason behind my feelings and beliefs. I truly believe a relationship with God is something you feel not think first and from that HUGE, WONDERFUL discovery (beginning) you start thinking about why you feel this way and with God's guiding hand you discover the reasoning. I am also going to be borrowing a christian book from a friend of mine about "loving like Jesus" 1 John 4:7-8, I can't really remember the name right now but when I do I will OF COURSE blog about it :)

Romans 14:10

Good night with metro and my friend and her husband and their little girl. Watched "The ugly truth" and ate Sake and chatted. I have decided I do not agree with the Ugly truth. I honestly feel like men are generally misunderstood and more in depth creatures who do not understand how to express their emotions as well as most women do. I mean I have no idea how it feels to have to deal with getting horny over stupid stuff all the time. Or having to amount to the tough guy macho man stereotype that every man is supposed to amount to. I mean I know that women have stupid stereotypes that they are supposed to amount to, everyone things I am dying to get married and have children when in true honesty thats the last thing I want right now and the very thought of pushing a child out of my body makes me want to kill myself. Or the blonde stereotype, or the everyone grows up to be a house wife. It generally sucks. I just like giving guys the benefit of the doubt that they aren't using me, they really do want a connection and closeness to another person. "Love does no harm to its neighbor, Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law". If the ugly truth was in existence it would cause harm to most women, because we do not want to be wanted for solely physical reasons, we need an emotional connection and longing to keep us content. I am also a hopeless romantic who truly believes God has someone just for me. I know God is faithful, and loves me the most that anyone has, will, or can love me and knows what I need and gives it to me rather I want it or not.

Psalm 18:32-34

Never a dull moment:) Long day at work, YUCKY YUCKY weather, texted Metro the majority of the day and a LOVEly dinner with my mama at Panera, now off to force myself to do homework....UGH! I also need to make it to bed earlier than I did last night considering I need to get up at 7:30 to register for classes for spring semester. "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. "

Proverbs 3:6

Wow.. eventful day, i discovered that earlier in the year a relationship i had was practically a joke. My friend from work set me up with a guy i totally had the hots for and he and i hung out for a bit and shared a lot of deep secrets, truly bonded... or so i thought. It turns out the whole time he was cheating on me with her, then they were secretively a couple after i lost interest in him, ouch. can you say soap opera? Now she is pursuing interest in his bff that i am friends with and asked me not to say anything to him. While in the mean time my ex-whatever wants me back and "I realized how good I had it and how i wronged you and miss you and want you back". Well my first instinct was to slash his tires and key his car, then i realized wait.... you are happy, you have someone who respects you and is worth your time, effort and sweet gestures, SCREW HIM! so i told him that i was sorry he was a little too late and i was completely happy with my new guy and wanted nothing to do with him. Then I watched a movie with my new guy, (from this post on I am going to call him Metro :) and he reminded me with his sweet presence, class and just general consideration for my feelings that I truly deserve more than i have been settling for. My relationship thus far with Metro has been exactly what I need. He is in know way clingy and is mature and is extremely considerate for people in general (not just me). I haven't felt restricted as I generally do when I have a new man friend. I am at such a peace with everything in my life right now. "In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." I feel as though God is giving me strength because I have so much going on and this is such a "forming" stage in my life. I am learning and discovering things about real/adult life everyday. Things that will affect the kind of adult I will be.

Exodus 33:14

Wow. another good day:) started off late i was so exhausted and still am, then straightened the room ate breakfast (for once in my life) and got dressed and went to Gastonia and shopped a bit then back home, went through my sisters winter clothes, watched SNL went to dinner with my man friend and then coffee:) I haven't met anyone who can make me smile as much as he does ever. He makes me laugh and i think that is why i am so attracted to him. Its not like other guys i have been attracted to before, i think this is the difference between attraction and lust. They can be hard to distinguish. The only thing I don't really agree with is he has no religious/spiritual association and that scares me. I have been in relationships before with guys who don't believe in God and they have not been good for me. But he is also different he has a reason he doesn't believe in it. He has educated himself in the history of philosophy and believes in was created so people would have a common ground to communicate peacefully. I believe that it is a thing you feel not think. I feel God and you can't talk me out of it. I know he is there and he makes himself know on a daily basis in my life. It scares me that someone can function without acknowledging him. But we will see how it goes, he is in no way disrespectful of my faith, just simply doesn't agree with it. I think I can be OK with it. Just going to wait and see. "The Lord replied, My presence will go with you, and I will give you the rest." Powerful, the majority of God's word seems to me like he wants us to succeed, He doesn't want you to fall on your face he wants you to learn and will only give you the struggles he knows you can make it through. This reminds me of a quote i read a while back "God doesn't give you the people you want in your life he gives you the people you need" Which is very, very, true. Looking back I wish I hadn't associated with some of the people I associated with but if I hadn't I wouldn't be the person I am today, and know what I know.

Psalm 48:14

Wow i am to the point of being exhausted that I don't even think i am exhausted. Crazy fast weekend, full of hurt, healing, reality check, love, laughter, beginnings, endings, and a lot more that is too deep for blogging:) lets just say i have a lot of thinking to do. My uncle was 55 years old!! Thats 3 years older than my mom, its a lot to swallow at once. "For this is God, Our God forever and ever; He will be our guide even to death." Now off to sleep :)

Ecclesiastes 1:1-2

GOOD night, GOOD GOOD night. Thats all i have to share about that one... Well i am off for the weekend for a very EXTREMELY hard weekend:( I have to say good bye to my sweet great uncle Barney. He is my papaws baby brother. He was diagnosed with a terminal disease two years ago and then had an incident about 2 weeks ago and then yesterday at 1:00 they took him off life support. I am very apposed to this but hey.. it wasn't really my call i guess. He is the first of the "king legacy" to go. There are five kids in my grandpa's family and i have been so extremely blessed to be around these amazing people. I love every single one of them and they have proved their love and compassion to me time after time. They act the way family is SUPPOSED to act and call to check on you every once in a while. IT will be SOO hard on my Papaw because he took care of and raised all of his siblings because his father was an abusive, alcoholic, war veteran who got married at 15 and had 5 children by 23. They had such a hard life in such a hard time therefore it created such an extreme bond that I hope i at least have one bond in my life that even comes close to comparing. I don't do well with funerals and haven't even close to begin to come to terms with losing him. I just saw him last christmas. He looked amazing and was so happy to have his sweet grand daughters living with him, now he is gone from this earth forever. It will definitely be a healing process. I don't hope i ever have to feel what his wonderful wife Sharon is feeling right now. They were sweethearts all the way back to first grade. They were each others first and only. "A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth. It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man, the living should take this to heart" This verse has already helped me start to come to terms with things. We should stop being selfish and realize how much better off he is right now. In a way.. I am jealous, he is happier and feeling so much better than we are right now he should be mourning for us really.

Psalm 1:24

Well... Another hard day.. my sweet great uncle has officially died, i still don't feel good and i am seriously exhausted to the point where i am going insane. I am so extremely cranky everyone has noticed, even my employees (bless their hearts for having to deal with me) SO i made a trip to the CVS (hehe so many funny trips to that place) and bought some lavender soap (my very favorite scent) and the new Instyle mag with my FAVORITE actress Reese Witherspoon on the cover. Things are going to get better.... I KNOW IT i mean i kind of have to i am in such a slump right now i think hope is what is getting me out of the bed and dressed in the morning " Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD" Well work again tomorrow and then time again with my man friend:) then its MY WEEKEND:) yay!! retail therapy with my sissy then VA for the weekend

2 Timothy 1:7

Bad day gone good, make that a HORRIBLE day gone wonderful:) always an extreme with me. I started out not feeling well and feeling as though i hadn't accomplished much and were yet again having employee drama, i forgot to eat lunch therefore my sugar got super extremely low and they took my great uncle off of life support. Then i went to coffee with my "man friend" he is absolutely one of the sweetest people i have ever met hands down. He made me laugh and listened to me complain about me awful day. We have the same views in politics and most things in general and he is just sweet in general. BUT i am still so scared. Well off to bed work tomorrow "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

2 Peter 1:3

Wow.. ANOTHER hectic day, I am begining to think my life is never going to settle down. That everything will always be hectic. But I am ok with it, I would rather have a billion things to do than be miserable I am so proud of myself I have finished all of my homework for the week except 35 math problems. I steered far of facebook and finished 3 classes of a weeks worth the work in an hour. Going to bed early thank god I think i may be getting sick, I have been sneezing my head off all day and now have a runny nose. I hope to go in early tomorrow so I am off to bed early. I am figuring out my romantic life right now too. I have an amazing, classy adorkable gentleman in my life who is so great to me already BUT... I am soo freaking scared. I have been hurt too many times and already have so much stuff to do. I mean I do only have 24 hours in a day, so we will just see where it goes I guess...... I just feel like I need something to organize my crazy mess of a life. Like I am not making the most of my life and need to get more accomplished. "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness". I think i have what I need already in front of me I just need to realize it and put it to use.

Romans 8:26

Well.... Interesting week to say the least. I have never felt so alone in my life. There is a quote that describes the way I feel perfectly "Throwing punches in the air". I just feel hopeless and exhausted even though I have so much going for me right now. At home I have so many people at home being so supportive I just am having issues adjusting to my new lifestyle. I feel like I am missing out on some part of my life like moving out and going away to school but I know that would lead to distraction and considering how intense of a career I am aiming towards would not work out. Its extremely short sighted and immature for me to even think about moving out at this point but while i am busting it working and going to school my friends are out making more friends and having the time of their lives. I don't know if I should just stop going to see them or what but every single time I come home from one of my little trips I come home feeling as though I am not accomplishing jack shit and I am missing out on a fun part of life and I am going to regret it later. Though in far sight I will be more successful and accomplish my dream. I WILL NOT be the first to move back in with their parents after moving out on my own and I will pay for my own stuff. The interview I supposably am receiving hasn't e-mailed me back since wednesday so I don't exactly know what this means and I can feel my yearly bout of seasonal depression come back. Every single year around this time I get so down in the dumps I barely have the will power to get dressed. Halloween was fun but I am not going to lie I was disappointed and I luckily realized that I am not the only one feeling insufficient. My friend Emily feels the same way. She lives at home and is working on her second degree. I am just fed up in general and I NEED a good week. "In the same way, the spirit helps us in out weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express". Thank God knows what I need right now because I sure don't.

Mark 6:31

Well i am off on another adventure tomorrow :)

Halloween weekend=ECU :) too much fun with my absolutely amazing friends:)

had an amazing night with an amazing guy in a fabulous city:)

pretty much all round happy right now other than be so extremely exhausted, needing to pack, catch some z's and pack haha

"Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest"

Psalm 89:2

No:) i have not abandoned my blog haha I just have too much on my plate

I worked today and shopped (thank god) and now finally home to do some MUCH needed homework and a project before my concert thing with my current man friend;) and then ECU on friday..NOT much time to do all that needs to be done and i need to pack and minimize all the messiness i call my room. Times like these just give me the THANK YOU GOD feeling:) i actually do better under stress than when I am bored haha (weird I know) "I will declare that you love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself" Seriously I love the bible. There is absolutely no situation I can think of that the bible doesn't have insight on. Though it may not be what you WANT to hear its what you NEED to hear. I think thats why more people don't read it. Because they are so used to this world telling them what they want to hear and not what is needed. Think about fat people.... Do they get called out? negative they just get cute plus size clothes and buy one get one free at the mcdonalds. " What this world needs is for us to care more about the inside than the outside" I love this song. It means so much to me I mean all the lyrics seriously just click. Its by Casting Crowns. Its so true if you start realizing how much we truly know about stars that we idealize and look up to. I mean really sure Heidi Klum is a beautiful woman, seems to be a great mother and wife, has wonderful fashion sense, and is severely classy... But what is her opinion on God or even bigger religion? What about morals? We don't have any idea. That is what should be on TV and making people famous. We would all aspire to be BETTER people not necessarily prettier people. I know this sounds hypocritical coming from someone who wants to spend her life dressing people but I feel like the way you dress should represent your inner beauty so that it will attract people to learn more about you and you can share your views, help them through their struggles, love them like jesus, act as Christ, oh lets just say all the goals as a christian:)

Proverbs 22:6

wow.... Lots of decisons made in the last couple days. Cut off some relationships, found some, started some, WORKED and WORKED and studied. :) Oh the life of a college student haha One thing that has really started to bother me is Teenage mothers. In my opinion it is one of the most selfish decisions you could ever make. I mean I have never seen a positive ending. The mom (and sometimes dad) raise the child while still being too young and immature to see hind sight. The majority of them still party and go on like they did before the kid was born and often leave the child with other family members WHO DID NOT MAKE THE DECISION TO HAVE THE KID!! The child grows up thinking its ok and "the way it goes" and often go on living as their parents. Many young mothers don't graduate or make anything of themselves other than living off other people and complaining about things they do absolutely nothing to help. It is so frustrating to me because I see these children not getting the life they deserve when their are so many couples who want children and cant have them and could give these children the life they deserve but the teenager is too selfish to give the baby up or adoption is too expensive and hard! Why do they create this situation OVER AND OVER. AND FOR THE MILLIONTH time the order is NOT 1. date 2. get pregnant 3. get married fast SERIOUSLY? your making america look bad. You shouldn't marry someone for life (or suppose to be) because you are having their kid! That often just causes more strain on the child! I see it over and just felt the need to vent :)

Though I don't particularly like most children I think everyone deserves a wonderful childhood like I had. I view children as future adults and seriously think a positive childhood benefits you in the long run. "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." tomorrow is day 1/3 of my work week! :) i am going to ECU on Friday for halloween weekend:) i am super excited!

1 Peter 2:21

Finally back to blogging:)

its been a crazy weekend hehe soo very busy. Well another thing I have started to realize is what an impact your attitude can have on other people. If i walk up to a counter at a restuarant and the person is frowning when I walk up I unintentionally make it my goal to make them smile before I leave the counter. "To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps". Pretty much all to type I have a lot on my mind right now ugh.......

Phillipians 2:2

"Learning to now to see it your way" "Lay down my pride"-Jeremy Camp

Amazing song, heart stopping in concert. Pretty good day, kinda chill working on my halloween costume and found tons of great stuff on clearance:) I love how I am getting closer to God through a blog.. Kinda weird. I have read in my bible every time I blog so its making me wiser too:) "Then make my joy complete by being like minded, having the same love being one in spirit and purpose" I love the bible, like seriously there is not a moment in the day I can't find something in the bible to make me feel even more amazing then I already feel. I don't know if I would feel the same thing about my relationship with God if religion wasn't a choice. Such as in some families I know or even countries or colleges religion and a relationship with God isn't a choice. I feel like I have to choose him because he choose me and if I am forced then it isn't a choice and is not a happy relationship its more like an arranged one. Its like comparing a arranged marriage to a head over heels love. It all must be a choice, I also feel this way about government (abortion, gay rights, stem cell research) We must be able to make choices to build our character. Our choices are examples of our character and the ultimate "practice what you preach". We will all answer for our sins in the end and if we aren't given the choice to sin or not sin then we will no be able to get praise or punishment. "But the man who looks intently into perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it- he will be blessed in what he does". This clearly backs my argument and gives my heart so much happiness. I can only imagine what it would sound like coming out of his mouth. It gives me chill bumps.

Colossians 3:14

Well I finally got it.... Writer's block Can't really think of anything to write/type about. Had a good day overall still not sure what God is currently pushing me towards. Part of me thinks a new job and the other part of me is still attached to the shop where i have put so much time, sweat, blood and hard work, i have learned so much and I almost feel as though this store is my child. I am overall stressed, but still ok and grateful. I am starting to think I am using the word stressed where I should be saying grateful but all in all i am both. I am currently straightening my room and watching my FAVORITE movie!!! Sex and the City movie which is so amazing and makes me miss my favorite place in the whole entire world but hey its bittersweet. I sent another resume today, to a company called carolina night life productions, they plan/coordinate giant bashes (parties) in charlotte and could be a pretty good internship. I really really hope one of the wedding planners call me back because that is my ultimate first choice. I just love weddings, i love everything about them (even the stressed out bitchy bride) I feel like its the ultimate moment of your life. You have found (or think you have) Love... The real kind.... his and her robes ... rocking chairs together L-O-V-E. It might be because I am scared being around love/weddings is the closest I will ever get to one or because I get so excited for other people. That is probably my favorite thing about myself. I can truly be happy for people about most things. I seriously get more excited about other peoples birthdays than my own. I get butterflies when I see couples look at each other a certain way. I just love love and want to be a part of it. Haha I sound like I am talking about a cult. I feel like even if I never get married I could be happy as a wedding planner. "And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Unity...... Not sure about my opinion on this word I think I am going to ponder on it.

Exodus 15:11

WOW... ITS BEEN A DAY TO SAY THE LEAST

I got four and a half hours of sleep, yes you read that right and the weird part was I had no problem getting up this morning! I then worked all day and then came home to find a email from the marketing director of concord mills whom is interested in letting me do an internship for them!!!!! I am TOTALLY psyched but trying not to get too excited!!! I sent about eight or so emails expressing interest in internships to two wedding planners, an event planner, a small marketing firm, A personal shopper, a bridal boutique and concord mills marketing. I really want to get as much experience as I can before I receive my degree. My friend I am supposed to be going to see hanson with is down with the flu X( but HEY its all good concord mills wants me :) "Who among the God's is like you O-Lord? Who is like you- majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?"

Alone...............................AM I the only one who has such a negative opinion of this word? I mean just look at it, It looks intimidating and reflects unhappiness, looks so similar to lonely. BUT its not!!!! It could be a good thing. We are never truly alone and when we are physically and world wise alone it is a time for meditation and self discovery which are two positive words. If we come to realize we never truly have to be lonely because God will forever be there and even if you never get married, never have friends, never have children, no one understands you... YOU STILL HAVE GOD!!!!! He doesn't care about any of those things because HE knows YOU, knows your imperfections, knows your heart and STILL LOVES YOU!!! That seriously blows my mind. Think about it.... How many people do you know that you have known for oh lets say before they were created have watched them grow, make bad decisions go down negative paths and still LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY? you haven't it's impossible. "Before long the world will not see me anymore but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live."John 14:19. How powerful! As long as you believe you will never be alone.

Mark 4:35

SLEEPY SLEEPY:)

well kind of... My bed is kind of suffocating because I decided to pull all of my clothes out of my closet and go through to figure out what I want to be for halloween and I have to take three test soon so it will be a while. It was a pretty good day:) With the exception of my sweet friend's family hurting her. I understand this a bit too well. My mom's side (for the most part) isn't worth shit. They take advantage of us and use us when they need something and then ignore, don't invite us to family events, and don't show up to graduation, major turns in your life etc, etc. We are first they call when they need money or their birthday is coming around the corner but we are the last to ever get a phone call or card or even word that they are even still alive and it hurts BAD. I hope my sister and I never do this to each other because I know how much it hurts my mom and me. "Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother". This verse relates to me in so many ways. The majority of the time I am closer with my friends than I have ever been with my family. I suppose part of it might be because I live 3 hours away but either way I have a phone and address and have sent them cards, text and left them voicemail's when I have thought of them to brighten their day and what did I receive in return? Not jack shit. Don't get me wrong I do have some real blood family, such as my mimi and papaw. I txt them about every other day and send them a card every week. I have realized we have a very short amount of time with the ones we love. I realized this from my amazing Granny. She died when I was seven but I learned so much about that brilliant, independent, strong woman in that short amount of time I knew her. I think that's why my Dad has such a hard time forgiving his siblings. They haven't spoken (with the exception of his brother) in about eight or so years. Its insane!!!! Losing her was so hard on him because she had such a influence on who he is today. I recently reconnected with "the sisters" and love them all sooo much!! I love being surrounded by them because they all have a different characteristic that they received from Granny and it almost feels like I am in her presence again. I also love my sister being around them because she was born about 4 months after we lost Granny. She has no idea on what she missed out on.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I'm BAAAAaaaaaaacccCCCcckkkkkkKKKKkkk:)

Wonderful, amazing, crazy, random, relaxing, fun weekend. I have soooo missed Jenny and Britt and loooved meeting their sweet friends!! I actually really like UNC. Well i did like UNC but I LOVED chapel hill!!!! The city is absolutely precious and has a class that reminds me of Charleston. I couldn't really see myself living there but I do really love visiting it. About to start on laundry and homework for the week. It shall be a very busy week. Thursday night I am HOPEFULLY going to the Hanson/hellogoodbye concert at Amos. SOOOO psyched and then friday night costume shopping with Anna and April. Saturday night.......Drum roll please ................... grave diggers ball featuring.........BACKSTREET BOYS!!!!!:) Yes I know I am a lame 90's baby so shut it! :) "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" I have come to realize that I am so blessed! I have the best friends that stick with me through it all!!! I know i am really hard to be friends with at times but believe it or not the majority of them no exactly how to react. Another random fact that I realized almost every verse that I am drawn to has a nine in it.... My lucky number is nine.....I graduated in '09.....I was born on the 9.....My tattoo has a nine......My soccer number was a nine..... CRAZY!!!:)

Proverbs 21:11

Wow another marvelous day. I am beyond exhausted. I worked 11 hours!! I love my job, i love my employees and I ADORE MY CUSTOMERS!!! Seriously I feel like no one realizes how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by marvelous people every single day!!! There is truly nothing I could do to deserve such a great job!! Part of it might be because I am genuinely happy when I am around people. So my job is perfect! Even when the store is closed I am surrounded by other employees! Who also happen to be practically a second family:) Even on rough days when someone comes in with an attitude or are critical, there are still twice as many sweet customers that make it worth the while. "He who loves pure of heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend". I am going to see Brittany and Jenny this weekend at chapel hill!! I am super stoked! It will be tons and tons of fun!!!! Super tired though need to rest up so I can drive up there tomorrow:)

Matthew 7:7

WONDERFUL day it started out kinda odd but ended PERFECT! I woke up soo ill because it was STILL dark outside!!! I did get tons of sleep though!!! I just kept barking back at mom because I just wanted to be left alone to pout about the weather and do my make up haha But we got to work and got TONS and TONS done then went out to family dinner then I got a MARVELOUS surprise! My sweet friend Kelly came home!! She came home a day earlier than I expected her! SO i picked her up and we went with her precious sister to old navy then met up with Staci (grad week friend) and all went back to kelle belles house and hung out. It was awesome I have missed them. Days like this give me such a positive outlook on EVERYTHING! the weather suddenly wasn't so dreary and being alone the majority of the time is not so bad. If you think about it you are never alone. "Ask and it will be given to you; Seek and you will find; Knock and the door will be opened to you". I simply asked to be happy with my life right now and I received I am so content and at peace with absolutely everything in my life right now. There is not one thing I would change. I have been reading proverbs about my search for information on God's wisdom and have found many great different verses but none that quench what I am thirsting for so I will continue to search.

Phillipians 4:9

Best day in a while. I woke up early (even thought I got about 4 and a half hours of sleep.) met Abby for coffee before she left to go back to ECU and went to work early. I got so much done! and so many wonderful customers came in!! We are so extremely blessed! "Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you".I have started to realize days when I don't talk to my friends then I get more accomplished and don't feel so insufficient or like I am not doing anything with my life. I mean not ALL of them make me feel this way, there are some that are just so damn encouraging without them I would seriously be dead but others just, I feel like they aren't as encouraging to me as I am to them and it's not fair! Tomorrow should be a good day too. I plan to go to bed soon, grab breakfast on the way to work and work till I can't.

1 corinthians 15:33

Guess what .... I can't sleep, what a shocker. I am such a night owl I should seriously get another job and get it at night its not like i do anything really important at night, watch movies, burn cd's txt, sometimes clean out my closet occasional art. I finished my school for the week by 10:00 and now I am just sitting here sooo awake! Its horrible. But it did lead to some thinking

:-) of course

What do I really want...... earlier in the month when i was with this guy, lets call him fire joe I thought that I wanted a relationship and he said he did too but then his actions would argue with what was coming out of his mouth and I convinced myself that I could change his actions eventually and make he more mature and a better guy... NOT FREAKING POSSIBLE

by sacrificing that time I could be using to grow as a person and meeting better guys I would be wasting my time with a jerk who is WRONG for me and NEVER going to change and is RIGHT for someone else. This is such a hard concept. I have come to terms that I don't need someone else to be happy and there is a reason I am single right now...... God obviously sees fit that I don't have any distractions and develop more as a person. Anyways the majority of the guys I meet that are my age are either really wonderful guys and I want them permanetly in my life or they are complete TRASH. Why waste my time? "Do not be mislead: Bad company corrupts good character" This is such a clarification.

My mom and I finally made up tonight. She doesn't realize how upset she made me about "the ecu weekend" pictures. She jumped straight to conclusions and did not trust me. The way I view things is why should I trust you if you don't trust me? I have never given her a reason not to trust me and I have told her so much! She has really put a strain on our relationship. I don't know if she realizes it but I honestly don't feel like telling her anything anymore. Trust is a big thing to me and I haven't done anything for her to jeopardize it.

The majority of my friends are going back to college tomorrow and I am doing coffee with abby tomorrow before work. This should be a good thing. Though I will miss them its less distractions. The main thing I hope to learn from this whole situation is That I don't have to be social all the time every night. It is ok for me to sit at home and do absolutely nothing or watch movies and eat cookie dough. I haven't really ever done that and I kind of enjoy it but as of right now I feel guilty every time I do it. Its like I am not where I am suppose to be? Its so weird. But hopefully I will get adjusted. My mom and I had a really good talk today about it and I think I am going to try to go to graduate school. It turns out I am actually pretty good at school. You would never tell by high school but then my social calendar was SO much more important than my grades. Now I just genuinely want to learn, which I know is seriously nerdy but I really like it. I am pretty content except when my friends come home and tell me I need to get out of this town. I don't think they realize when I leave I WON'T be relying on my parents and I WON'T be coming back. I think even before they left I had grown up a little bit more than them because my parents aren't like your average parents I take care of myself for the most part and actually pay for my own shit. The majority of them still don't have to pay for their own stuff but now they have to fend for themselves and its a entirely different world. We will see where it goes.

James 3:17

Well i have an issue. I am a shopaholic as most of you know. Malls really are a commonplace for me and in most stores I know several employees on a first name basis. I constantly have something new though I still have clothes from my last shopping trip. I am working on it. My life truly is like the movie, Confessions of a shopaholic, I get PURE joy when i shop. Its an adrenaline like no other in the world and it crashes when i get home and realize how much I really spent or when I get hate mail from my bank. I only spent sixty dollars today, which is actually really really good for me but still not on neccesities and i seriously need clothes like I need a hole in my head. I am working on it. I am going to try to work A TON this week to make up for it. I have been searching for answers on the questions about God's wisdom and what I have found was "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure: then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." So pretty much wisdom is acting in the way that the bible advises. This still doesn't completely answer my question so I will keep searching.

Psalm 34:18

Just woke up at a mere 2:00 haha I was so exhausted and sundays are my day to finally catch up on much needed sleep. Not much to do today just clean up my room, make sure all my homework is finished up and maybe clean up my bathroom. Days like today are nice if you actually get it all done. When you don't its kind of like "Where the heck did the time go? What did I accomplish today?" Which is a huge let down. Mom is still..... Well i am going to leave it at that. "The lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". This is such a great verse, not that there are really any bad 0nes:) well i am off to straighten the room. write more later when I am DONE!

Isaiah 41:10

Well it's definitely been a day of up and downs to say the least. I woke up an hour and fifteen minutes late. Got to work an got SO much accomplished. Only to have it crushed by my mother whom I have not heard much from since yesterday. She didn't even try to act interested in what I had to say and to be honest it hurt. I am so fed up with everything and really needed mom to be my back bone like she generally is and understands me more than anyone else in this world. "So do not fear for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you up with my righteous right hand" This verse brought me so much hope. When I got off work I went to coffee with my friend Katie whom is home from UNC-G she was so fabulous. Her happiness was apparent in her face and attitude. It was so wonderful to catch up with her. Her parents also own a small business so she knows the stresses I also follow that come with living with your boss. I also dropped in on April and her daughter Emma. She is hands down the cutest three year old ever! She is such a girl! While I was at her house she insisted I wear one of her crowns and let her "do my make up". Way too cute!!!

I got to thinking about something odd today, You really don't ever read or hear of any verses in the bible talking about how brilliant God is. I mean really there is absolutely no way I could ever formulate the things he has or create this wonderful world he has. Modest? maybe... but everyone knows God is brilliant. I guess it is just fact and it doesn't have to be stated. I will search more for answers soon! Not sure what tomorrow brings but I really want to go see my mimi.

1 Thessalonians 5:21

Cheesecake factory: $30.00

Madewell: $8.64

Borders: $19.64

Gas: $35.00

Adventures with you long, lost, wonderful, honest friend: priceless:)

I just got home from a 3 1/2 hour adventure with my dear friend Adam. First off Adam has known me for a long while (pre and post Parker and forestview) and we are both wayy too busy. I have missed him so much! He is the friend you can tell absolutely anything and we are both passionate about fashion, finding love and michael buble. He is so precious i don't know what I did before him! The only controversial thing about Adam is he is openly gay. I am 100 % Ok with that, being a liberal I suppose it comes with the territory. Often times I have thought though. Where will Adam go..... He was raised Catholic but well, didn't feel welcome once his sexual orientation became apparent. In my opinion that is pathetic! God loves everyone. I think it is your choice AKA not my place to judge and that the majority of the Gay community that I have met are truly in touch with what love is and understand how important it is to display it and make it known. In my opinion, God will have a special place in heaven for these sweet souls. The way most church's treat those of sexual orientation is a big deal to me. I believe that church's should have the attitude of, "Let the children come to me" and unless someone ask the church how they feel about it than it should be kept in your head and not come out of your selfish, cold hearted mouth. "Test all things and hold fast to that which is good." 1 Thessalonians 5:21. Many people are just scared of it. Others are just too damn closed minded, cold hearted and too southern. My view has always (thanks to my wonderful loving, open parents) Love is Love is LOVE!!! Its all the same. I work tomorrow yay! and then I am having coffee with my friend Katie who is home from college for fall break, then sunday i am contemplating going to VA. I really want to go but.... Its such a long drive and the annual cotton ginning days are in town and the family almost always all goes together so we will see:)

Mark 9:23

Well i am exhausted. Not getting sleep has finally gotten to me. I had a productive day. I love my job. My employees are wonderful. My customers are sweet and I love my family. I am finally caught up on my school work all except math ugh and tomorrow is my half birthday and favorite day of the week:) Times like these are Serendipity. "If you can'" said Jesus "Everything is possible for he who believes" This verse is exactly how I am feeling. I am hopefully going to south park with my Adam and then I work Saturday with my great new employee, Kelly and the bestest comes home. I might try to go to virginia to spend the day with my grandparents on sunday. I really miss my mimi and need to spend as much time as possible with them while they are in such rough unpromising health. Then on Monday I am supposed to be doing things with like 3 different people so we will see. Leave it to me to over commit myself haha just like me :P

Isaiah 41:13

So I have this fear, Its a simple fear that many would never guess I have because I am so independent. I have a fear of being alone. Not dating wise, just in general. For some reason I use to have a fear of eating or getting coffee by myself. It might be because I have so many great friends and I am almost always surrounded by them. But I admire they "cool people" in restuarants and coffee shops chilling with the laptop or book and the ipod just chilling by themselves. They look so relaxed and at peace with themselves. I have always felt weird when even picking up things to go by myself, much less eat an entire meal by myself. Well i finally conquered that silly fear on Monday. I walked to Nothing but Noodles (my new fav) by myself and ate a meal by myself with my laptop and felt completely content. It was the funniest thing. I read this verse "For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13 and this is exactly what I felt. Someone had just taken my hand and taken the burden and showed me how to be by myself. I am generally happy to be by myself. My parents think I am the weirdest teenager ever because I am happiest with my music, my shoes and quiet. I am pretty happy with the person I have become I don't really have and regrets.

Well I am considering a new tattoo. A crown.... Sarah means God's Princess and its pretty much why my parents named me it. My name all together means Princess by the grace of God. I love it. I always have thought they did a good job naming me and I thought I was going to get my crown as my first tattoo but decided to start small and didn't want to give my dad a heart attack all at once. I think I may go get what I have in mind priced tomorrow night and if I can get one of my wonderful, tolerant :) friends to go with and its less than 80 some dollars I may go ahead and get it. I mean I do get paid tomorrow haha. I remember when I first was considering getting a tattoo I put a lot of thought and prayer into it. I had heard from my mothers brother (a baptist minister) how horrible they were and how much the baptist church frowned upon them. I was scared. I had some feeling that God would forget me or stop loving me if I went through with it. Unconditional love is so hard to comprehend but I found this amazing article by Thomas Nelson and it clarified God's view in the bible of tattoos' He wrote of Leviticus 19:28 "You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks on you: I am the LORD". However he also references Lev. 19:19 which was "Nor shall a garment of mixed linen and wool come upon you". So if they consider a tattoo sinful they most also toss all their cotton/poly blend clothing too. He also references to the book of romans where it speaks of Jesus paid the price for our sins so we no longer have to try to clean ourselves to be worthy of our God. This all made me feel a lot better. Then I got to thinking, I believe God meant these tattoos as things that were going to send other brother to sin such as a naked lady or satanic type tattoos. My tattoos completely point to God. Matthew 5:9 and a crown to symbolize I am a princess of the king of kings. No one can argue with that and even if they do its not my problem. I am right with God and thats all I need.

Now i am going to force myself to fall asleep before ten o'clock and wake up early enough to pick up Hannah's surprise and blog before work :)

Psalm 144:2

Worthy of love

I have struggled with this concept for a while like oh lets say some three years:)

I first heard it in this Bethany Dillon Song "Beautiful" and in the chorus the line says

"Just want to be worthy of Love" from that moment on it struck a chord in my heart. For a while I strived for it, Then pondered on it then for a while convinced myself God created us all worthy of love. One day I sat down and I heard the song again so I started searching through the bible and found Matthew 5:48 "Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect". SO... We are not created worthy or perfect though he sees us this way. Haha Dumb me so I searched deeper for answers Psalm 144:2 "He is my loving God and my fortress, my strong hold and my deliverer, my shield in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me" Many of you might not see this as relevant but it led me to think on how worthy our God is of love.. I started thinking God does not love us because we are worthy, because we are not, We are worthy because he loves us and that makes us worthy of love. Such a revelation:)

Today should be a good day! its my last day of my yucky art class and I got to sleep till one today because I took the day off and took my turn at staying home with my sweet sister who is under the weather yuck! I am going to write tonight about facing my fear which I did monday but TOTALLY forgot to write about it :) off to start the day

leviticus 19:18

i have come to terms, i am a hopeless romantic.

my favorite song of all times are tied

The way you look tonight-Frank Sinatra

La Vie en Rose - Pretty much anyone

i love any movie where the good guy gets the girl

and kisses her in the rain and never cheats.

He buys her the perfect ring, her friends love him

he is patient, kind and absolutely amazing looking.

He cooks, he cleans, he only wants true happiness for her

and he can dress like no other.

I am NOT ever going to STOP believing this will happen to ME someday!!!

I honestly feel like there is someone out there who meets every single one of my standards.

My problem is talking myself into wasting time with these silly boys who are pretty much broken, dumb, immature, emotionally unattached jerks and trying to fix them which honestly isn't EVER in a million years going to happen. I mean first of it is really selfish of me to try to fix someone who isn't broken to their future "Mrs.". Which I mean don't take this the wrong way I am not really looking for my "Mr." but at my age I feel it is important to keep in mind there must be enough of you left once you get done with all the "Mr " that your still able to get THE "Mr. " Another thing that is wrong with "fixing" someone is who are you? I mean honestly God made them that way for a reason. It may be a heart break from the bitch before or he is at a rough stage in his life. This made me think back on Leviticus 19:18 "Do not speak revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord." Basically this is one of the hardest things I face. ever. I hold grudges like no other. I didn't talk to my bff from childhood for two years because I couldn't come to terms enough to forgive her. How am I going to love a jerk, sorry I mean a man as I love myself when he is selfish, mean, doesn't give a damn about me or my feelings and has admitted to this in nonverbal ways, again and again. I know i am almost just as much to blame because I kept coming back. All so much to take on.

Well it was a good day overall, kind of fast felt like I couldn't catch up with it.. probably my lack of sleeping. Therefore I am going to bed EARLY tonight!!!

Revelation 1:18

I have been mesmerized by this amazing song, Revelation by Third Day for some while and when I looked up the lyrics I only fell in deeper. One line that really hit me "Tell me should I stay here, or do I need to move" I am not quite sure why it hit me maybe cause I am at such a crucial part in my life and I really do strive to be where he wants me. This song also drew me to the book of the bible of the same title. The verse that stuck out the most was 1:18 "I am the living one: I was dead and behold I am alive forever and ever! I hold the keys of death and Hades" That is such a cool and calming thought to me. The God who gave me life also holds the keys to Hades and death and has the last say. God is great.

I started thinking back for some reason today and I started thinking about my baby sister. She has the sweetest soul out of anyone I think I have ever met. I love her so much though she is at the most irritating age ever. I worry about her so much. She is such a follower and can be talked into just about anything. If I don't move away after I graduate from CPCC it will probably be because of my concern. I feel like my parents don't realize how much trouble is NOW in middle school. You hear of so many kids having kids and "lipstick parties" and drinking when they are 11-14ish years old!?!?!?!?!?! I mean seriously this is sick!! I don't know what I will do when this stage in her life comes. When I think she is old enough to party I will come to terms with it but NOT when she is not even driving a car!!!!! Its all too much to take on and another reason why I never want to have children.

I am finally talking myself into realizing I don't have time for a relationship and I really need to work on discovering more of who I want to be. I was listening to this song today and it said "Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good" and man did it make me feel great! Because this is true! I deserve someone who treats me as well as I treat them and I honestly don't think I have ever gotten that from a relationship. I mean I have had some great relationships but I feel like I was always the one who gave the most and i am DONE WITH IT!

Its my turn!!! Proverbs 7:10-11 are my goal now " Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold. For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you can desire can compare with her." I have to go back to happy I was with myself and who I had become before the last couple "speed bumps" that weren't worth my time.

1 Timothy 4:12

So here i am being bored out of my brains in the library at my school ugh..X( next to last day in art class THANK GOD!! that teacher is insane!! She cam to school when she was infected with H1N1 yes .... The swine flu!! The only positive thing about this class is my new friend Kelsey, she's such a doll but pretty much everyone else in that class has the "everyone is out to get me and working against me attitude" which TOTALLY doesn't work well with me! They are rude and obnoxious!

My new verse is 1Tm 4:12 Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity I love it!!! Its like where God is talking to the young and makes clarification that he DOESNT talk over the youth's head and doesnt think anyone else should either.

I am definitely in a pretty amazing mood today and I cannot even figure out why! The weather is pretty much disgusting and my baby sister is sick, and I haven't gotten really anything at all done but I still have a glow and a bounce in my step. Part of it might be because I got to wear my ADORABLE pink rain boots:) I was soo excited! even though the weather is making my hair super frizzy . I love how much I love shoes though they are simple they can truly brighten my day but just being adorable.

I am really excited about the direction my store is going and I am totally surprised at the positive feedback I am getting. Last week was just so negative I suppose God knew I needed some rays of sun to help me get through it.