Mark 6:31

Well i am off on another adventure tomorrow :)

Halloween weekend=ECU :) too much fun with my absolutely amazing friends:)

had an amazing night with an amazing guy in a fabulous city:)

pretty much all round happy right now other than be so extremely exhausted, needing to pack, catch some z's and pack haha

"Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest"

Psalm 89:2

No:) i have not abandoned my blog haha I just have too much on my plate

I worked today and shopped (thank god) and now finally home to do some MUCH needed homework and a project before my concert thing with my current man friend;) and then ECU on friday..NOT much time to do all that needs to be done and i need to pack and minimize all the messiness i call my room. Times like these just give me the THANK YOU GOD feeling:) i actually do better under stress than when I am bored haha (weird I know) "I will declare that you love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself" Seriously I love the bible. There is absolutely no situation I can think of that the bible doesn't have insight on. Though it may not be what you WANT to hear its what you NEED to hear. I think thats why more people don't read it. Because they are so used to this world telling them what they want to hear and not what is needed. Think about fat people.... Do they get called out? negative they just get cute plus size clothes and buy one get one free at the mcdonalds. " What this world needs is for us to care more about the inside than the outside" I love this song. It means so much to me I mean all the lyrics seriously just click. Its by Casting Crowns. Its so true if you start realizing how much we truly know about stars that we idealize and look up to. I mean really sure Heidi Klum is a beautiful woman, seems to be a great mother and wife, has wonderful fashion sense, and is severely classy... But what is her opinion on God or even bigger religion? What about morals? We don't have any idea. That is what should be on TV and making people famous. We would all aspire to be BETTER people not necessarily prettier people. I know this sounds hypocritical coming from someone who wants to spend her life dressing people but I feel like the way you dress should represent your inner beauty so that it will attract people to learn more about you and you can share your views, help them through their struggles, love them like jesus, act as Christ, oh lets just say all the goals as a christian:)

Proverbs 22:6

wow.... Lots of decisons made in the last couple days. Cut off some relationships, found some, started some, WORKED and WORKED and studied. :) Oh the life of a college student haha One thing that has really started to bother me is Teenage mothers. In my opinion it is one of the most selfish decisions you could ever make. I mean I have never seen a positive ending. The mom (and sometimes dad) raise the child while still being too young and immature to see hind sight. The majority of them still party and go on like they did before the kid was born and often leave the child with other family members WHO DID NOT MAKE THE DECISION TO HAVE THE KID!! The child grows up thinking its ok and "the way it goes" and often go on living as their parents. Many young mothers don't graduate or make anything of themselves other than living off other people and complaining about things they do absolutely nothing to help. It is so frustrating to me because I see these children not getting the life they deserve when their are so many couples who want children and cant have them and could give these children the life they deserve but the teenager is too selfish to give the baby up or adoption is too expensive and hard! Why do they create this situation OVER AND OVER. AND FOR THE MILLIONTH time the order is NOT 1. date 2. get pregnant 3. get married fast SERIOUSLY? your making america look bad. You shouldn't marry someone for life (or suppose to be) because you are having their kid! That often just causes more strain on the child! I see it over and just felt the need to vent :)

Though I don't particularly like most children I think everyone deserves a wonderful childhood like I had. I view children as future adults and seriously think a positive childhood benefits you in the long run. "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." tomorrow is day 1/3 of my work week! :) i am going to ECU on Friday for halloween weekend:) i am super excited!

1 Peter 2:21

Finally back to blogging:)

its been a crazy weekend hehe soo very busy. Well another thing I have started to realize is what an impact your attitude can have on other people. If i walk up to a counter at a restuarant and the person is frowning when I walk up I unintentionally make it my goal to make them smile before I leave the counter. "To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps". Pretty much all to type I have a lot on my mind right now ugh.......

Phillipians 2:2

"Learning to now to see it your way" "Lay down my pride"-Jeremy Camp

Amazing song, heart stopping in concert. Pretty good day, kinda chill working on my halloween costume and found tons of great stuff on clearance:) I love how I am getting closer to God through a blog.. Kinda weird. I have read in my bible every time I blog so its making me wiser too:) "Then make my joy complete by being like minded, having the same love being one in spirit and purpose" I love the bible, like seriously there is not a moment in the day I can't find something in the bible to make me feel even more amazing then I already feel. I don't know if I would feel the same thing about my relationship with God if religion wasn't a choice. Such as in some families I know or even countries or colleges religion and a relationship with God isn't a choice. I feel like I have to choose him because he choose me and if I am forced then it isn't a choice and is not a happy relationship its more like an arranged one. Its like comparing a arranged marriage to a head over heels love. It all must be a choice, I also feel this way about government (abortion, gay rights, stem cell research) We must be able to make choices to build our character. Our choices are examples of our character and the ultimate "practice what you preach". We will all answer for our sins in the end and if we aren't given the choice to sin or not sin then we will no be able to get praise or punishment. "But the man who looks intently into perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it- he will be blessed in what he does". This clearly backs my argument and gives my heart so much happiness. I can only imagine what it would sound like coming out of his mouth. It gives me chill bumps.

Colossians 3:14

Well I finally got it.... Writer's block Can't really think of anything to write/type about. Had a good day overall still not sure what God is currently pushing me towards. Part of me thinks a new job and the other part of me is still attached to the shop where i have put so much time, sweat, blood and hard work, i have learned so much and I almost feel as though this store is my child. I am overall stressed, but still ok and grateful. I am starting to think I am using the word stressed where I should be saying grateful but all in all i am both. I am currently straightening my room and watching my FAVORITE movie!!! Sex and the City movie which is so amazing and makes me miss my favorite place in the whole entire world but hey its bittersweet. I sent another resume today, to a company called carolina night life productions, they plan/coordinate giant bashes (parties) in charlotte and could be a pretty good internship. I really really hope one of the wedding planners call me back because that is my ultimate first choice. I just love weddings, i love everything about them (even the stressed out bitchy bride) I feel like its the ultimate moment of your life. You have found (or think you have) Love... The real kind.... his and her robes ... rocking chairs together L-O-V-E. It might be because I am scared being around love/weddings is the closest I will ever get to one or because I get so excited for other people. That is probably my favorite thing about myself. I can truly be happy for people about most things. I seriously get more excited about other peoples birthdays than my own. I get butterflies when I see couples look at each other a certain way. I just love love and want to be a part of it. Haha I sound like I am talking about a cult. I feel like even if I never get married I could be happy as a wedding planner. "And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Unity...... Not sure about my opinion on this word I think I am going to ponder on it.

Exodus 15:11

WOW... ITS BEEN A DAY TO SAY THE LEAST

I got four and a half hours of sleep, yes you read that right and the weird part was I had no problem getting up this morning! I then worked all day and then came home to find a email from the marketing director of concord mills whom is interested in letting me do an internship for them!!!!! I am TOTALLY psyched but trying not to get too excited!!! I sent about eight or so emails expressing interest in internships to two wedding planners, an event planner, a small marketing firm, A personal shopper, a bridal boutique and concord mills marketing. I really want to get as much experience as I can before I receive my degree. My friend I am supposed to be going to see hanson with is down with the flu X( but HEY its all good concord mills wants me :) "Who among the God's is like you O-Lord? Who is like you- majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?"

Alone...............................AM I the only one who has such a negative opinion of this word? I mean just look at it, It looks intimidating and reflects unhappiness, looks so similar to lonely. BUT its not!!!! It could be a good thing. We are never truly alone and when we are physically and world wise alone it is a time for meditation and self discovery which are two positive words. If we come to realize we never truly have to be lonely because God will forever be there and even if you never get married, never have friends, never have children, no one understands you... YOU STILL HAVE GOD!!!!! He doesn't care about any of those things because HE knows YOU, knows your imperfections, knows your heart and STILL LOVES YOU!!! That seriously blows my mind. Think about it.... How many people do you know that you have known for oh lets say before they were created have watched them grow, make bad decisions go down negative paths and still LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY? you haven't it's impossible. "Before long the world will not see me anymore but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live."John 14:19. How powerful! As long as you believe you will never be alone.

Mark 4:35

SLEEPY SLEEPY:)

well kind of... My bed is kind of suffocating because I decided to pull all of my clothes out of my closet and go through to figure out what I want to be for halloween and I have to take three test soon so it will be a while. It was a pretty good day:) With the exception of my sweet friend's family hurting her. I understand this a bit too well. My mom's side (for the most part) isn't worth shit. They take advantage of us and use us when they need something and then ignore, don't invite us to family events, and don't show up to graduation, major turns in your life etc, etc. We are first they call when they need money or their birthday is coming around the corner but we are the last to ever get a phone call or card or even word that they are even still alive and it hurts BAD. I hope my sister and I never do this to each other because I know how much it hurts my mom and me. "Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother". This verse relates to me in so many ways. The majority of the time I am closer with my friends than I have ever been with my family. I suppose part of it might be because I live 3 hours away but either way I have a phone and address and have sent them cards, text and left them voicemail's when I have thought of them to brighten their day and what did I receive in return? Not jack shit. Don't get me wrong I do have some real blood family, such as my mimi and papaw. I txt them about every other day and send them a card every week. I have realized we have a very short amount of time with the ones we love. I realized this from my amazing Granny. She died when I was seven but I learned so much about that brilliant, independent, strong woman in that short amount of time I knew her. I think that's why my Dad has such a hard time forgiving his siblings. They haven't spoken (with the exception of his brother) in about eight or so years. Its insane!!!! Losing her was so hard on him because she had such a influence on who he is today. I recently reconnected with "the sisters" and love them all sooo much!! I love being surrounded by them because they all have a different characteristic that they received from Granny and it almost feels like I am in her presence again. I also love my sister being around them because she was born about 4 months after we lost Granny. She has no idea on what she missed out on.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I'm BAAAAaaaaaaacccCCCcckkkkkkKKKKkkk:)

Wonderful, amazing, crazy, random, relaxing, fun weekend. I have soooo missed Jenny and Britt and loooved meeting their sweet friends!! I actually really like UNC. Well i did like UNC but I LOVED chapel hill!!!! The city is absolutely precious and has a class that reminds me of Charleston. I couldn't really see myself living there but I do really love visiting it. About to start on laundry and homework for the week. It shall be a very busy week. Thursday night I am HOPEFULLY going to the Hanson/hellogoodbye concert at Amos. SOOOO psyched and then friday night costume shopping with Anna and April. Saturday night.......Drum roll please ................... grave diggers ball featuring.........BACKSTREET BOYS!!!!!:) Yes I know I am a lame 90's baby so shut it! :) "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" I have come to realize that I am so blessed! I have the best friends that stick with me through it all!!! I know i am really hard to be friends with at times but believe it or not the majority of them no exactly how to react. Another random fact that I realized almost every verse that I am drawn to has a nine in it.... My lucky number is nine.....I graduated in '09.....I was born on the 9.....My tattoo has a nine......My soccer number was a nine..... CRAZY!!!:)

Proverbs 21:11

Wow another marvelous day. I am beyond exhausted. I worked 11 hours!! I love my job, i love my employees and I ADORE MY CUSTOMERS!!! Seriously I feel like no one realizes how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by marvelous people every single day!!! There is truly nothing I could do to deserve such a great job!! Part of it might be because I am genuinely happy when I am around people. So my job is perfect! Even when the store is closed I am surrounded by other employees! Who also happen to be practically a second family:) Even on rough days when someone comes in with an attitude or are critical, there are still twice as many sweet customers that make it worth the while. "He who loves pure of heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend". I am going to see Brittany and Jenny this weekend at chapel hill!! I am super stoked! It will be tons and tons of fun!!!! Super tired though need to rest up so I can drive up there tomorrow:)

Matthew 7:7

WONDERFUL day it started out kinda odd but ended PERFECT! I woke up soo ill because it was STILL dark outside!!! I did get tons of sleep though!!! I just kept barking back at mom because I just wanted to be left alone to pout about the weather and do my make up haha But we got to work and got TONS and TONS done then went out to family dinner then I got a MARVELOUS surprise! My sweet friend Kelly came home!! She came home a day earlier than I expected her! SO i picked her up and we went with her precious sister to old navy then met up with Staci (grad week friend) and all went back to kelle belles house and hung out. It was awesome I have missed them. Days like this give me such a positive outlook on EVERYTHING! the weather suddenly wasn't so dreary and being alone the majority of the time is not so bad. If you think about it you are never alone. "Ask and it will be given to you; Seek and you will find; Knock and the door will be opened to you". I simply asked to be happy with my life right now and I received I am so content and at peace with absolutely everything in my life right now. There is not one thing I would change. I have been reading proverbs about my search for information on God's wisdom and have found many great different verses but none that quench what I am thirsting for so I will continue to search.

Phillipians 4:9

Best day in a while. I woke up early (even thought I got about 4 and a half hours of sleep.) met Abby for coffee before she left to go back to ECU and went to work early. I got so much done! and so many wonderful customers came in!! We are so extremely blessed! "Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you".I have started to realize days when I don't talk to my friends then I get more accomplished and don't feel so insufficient or like I am not doing anything with my life. I mean not ALL of them make me feel this way, there are some that are just so damn encouraging without them I would seriously be dead but others just, I feel like they aren't as encouraging to me as I am to them and it's not fair! Tomorrow should be a good day too. I plan to go to bed soon, grab breakfast on the way to work and work till I can't.

1 corinthians 15:33

Guess what .... I can't sleep, what a shocker. I am such a night owl I should seriously get another job and get it at night its not like i do anything really important at night, watch movies, burn cd's txt, sometimes clean out my closet occasional art. I finished my school for the week by 10:00 and now I am just sitting here sooo awake! Its horrible. But it did lead to some thinking

:-) of course

What do I really want...... earlier in the month when i was with this guy, lets call him fire joe I thought that I wanted a relationship and he said he did too but then his actions would argue with what was coming out of his mouth and I convinced myself that I could change his actions eventually and make he more mature and a better guy... NOT FREAKING POSSIBLE

by sacrificing that time I could be using to grow as a person and meeting better guys I would be wasting my time with a jerk who is WRONG for me and NEVER going to change and is RIGHT for someone else. This is such a hard concept. I have come to terms that I don't need someone else to be happy and there is a reason I am single right now...... God obviously sees fit that I don't have any distractions and develop more as a person. Anyways the majority of the guys I meet that are my age are either really wonderful guys and I want them permanetly in my life or they are complete TRASH. Why waste my time? "Do not be mislead: Bad company corrupts good character" This is such a clarification.

My mom and I finally made up tonight. She doesn't realize how upset she made me about "the ecu weekend" pictures. She jumped straight to conclusions and did not trust me. The way I view things is why should I trust you if you don't trust me? I have never given her a reason not to trust me and I have told her so much! She has really put a strain on our relationship. I don't know if she realizes it but I honestly don't feel like telling her anything anymore. Trust is a big thing to me and I haven't done anything for her to jeopardize it.

The majority of my friends are going back to college tomorrow and I am doing coffee with abby tomorrow before work. This should be a good thing. Though I will miss them its less distractions. The main thing I hope to learn from this whole situation is That I don't have to be social all the time every night. It is ok for me to sit at home and do absolutely nothing or watch movies and eat cookie dough. I haven't really ever done that and I kind of enjoy it but as of right now I feel guilty every time I do it. Its like I am not where I am suppose to be? Its so weird. But hopefully I will get adjusted. My mom and I had a really good talk today about it and I think I am going to try to go to graduate school. It turns out I am actually pretty good at school. You would never tell by high school but then my social calendar was SO much more important than my grades. Now I just genuinely want to learn, which I know is seriously nerdy but I really like it. I am pretty content except when my friends come home and tell me I need to get out of this town. I don't think they realize when I leave I WON'T be relying on my parents and I WON'T be coming back. I think even before they left I had grown up a little bit more than them because my parents aren't like your average parents I take care of myself for the most part and actually pay for my own shit. The majority of them still don't have to pay for their own stuff but now they have to fend for themselves and its a entirely different world. We will see where it goes.

James 3:17

Well i have an issue. I am a shopaholic as most of you know. Malls really are a commonplace for me and in most stores I know several employees on a first name basis. I constantly have something new though I still have clothes from my last shopping trip. I am working on it. My life truly is like the movie, Confessions of a shopaholic, I get PURE joy when i shop. Its an adrenaline like no other in the world and it crashes when i get home and realize how much I really spent or when I get hate mail from my bank. I only spent sixty dollars today, which is actually really really good for me but still not on neccesities and i seriously need clothes like I need a hole in my head. I am working on it. I am going to try to work A TON this week to make up for it. I have been searching for answers on the questions about God's wisdom and what I have found was "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure: then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." So pretty much wisdom is acting in the way that the bible advises. This still doesn't completely answer my question so I will keep searching.

Psalm 34:18

Just woke up at a mere 2:00 haha I was so exhausted and sundays are my day to finally catch up on much needed sleep. Not much to do today just clean up my room, make sure all my homework is finished up and maybe clean up my bathroom. Days like today are nice if you actually get it all done. When you don't its kind of like "Where the heck did the time go? What did I accomplish today?" Which is a huge let down. Mom is still..... Well i am going to leave it at that. "The lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". This is such a great verse, not that there are really any bad 0nes:) well i am off to straighten the room. write more later when I am DONE!

Isaiah 41:10

Well it's definitely been a day of up and downs to say the least. I woke up an hour and fifteen minutes late. Got to work an got SO much accomplished. Only to have it crushed by my mother whom I have not heard much from since yesterday. She didn't even try to act interested in what I had to say and to be honest it hurt. I am so fed up with everything and really needed mom to be my back bone like she generally is and understands me more than anyone else in this world. "So do not fear for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you up with my righteous right hand" This verse brought me so much hope. When I got off work I went to coffee with my friend Katie whom is home from UNC-G she was so fabulous. Her happiness was apparent in her face and attitude. It was so wonderful to catch up with her. Her parents also own a small business so she knows the stresses I also follow that come with living with your boss. I also dropped in on April and her daughter Emma. She is hands down the cutest three year old ever! She is such a girl! While I was at her house she insisted I wear one of her crowns and let her "do my make up". Way too cute!!!

I got to thinking about something odd today, You really don't ever read or hear of any verses in the bible talking about how brilliant God is. I mean really there is absolutely no way I could ever formulate the things he has or create this wonderful world he has. Modest? maybe... but everyone knows God is brilliant. I guess it is just fact and it doesn't have to be stated. I will search more for answers soon! Not sure what tomorrow brings but I really want to go see my mimi.

1 Thessalonians 5:21

Cheesecake factory: $30.00

Madewell: $8.64

Borders: $19.64

Gas: $35.00

Adventures with you long, lost, wonderful, honest friend: priceless:)

I just got home from a 3 1/2 hour adventure with my dear friend Adam. First off Adam has known me for a long while (pre and post Parker and forestview) and we are both wayy too busy. I have missed him so much! He is the friend you can tell absolutely anything and we are both passionate about fashion, finding love and michael buble. He is so precious i don't know what I did before him! The only controversial thing about Adam is he is openly gay. I am 100 % Ok with that, being a liberal I suppose it comes with the territory. Often times I have thought though. Where will Adam go..... He was raised Catholic but well, didn't feel welcome once his sexual orientation became apparent. In my opinion that is pathetic! God loves everyone. I think it is your choice AKA not my place to judge and that the majority of the Gay community that I have met are truly in touch with what love is and understand how important it is to display it and make it known. In my opinion, God will have a special place in heaven for these sweet souls. The way most church's treat those of sexual orientation is a big deal to me. I believe that church's should have the attitude of, "Let the children come to me" and unless someone ask the church how they feel about it than it should be kept in your head and not come out of your selfish, cold hearted mouth. "Test all things and hold fast to that which is good." 1 Thessalonians 5:21. Many people are just scared of it. Others are just too damn closed minded, cold hearted and too southern. My view has always (thanks to my wonderful loving, open parents) Love is Love is LOVE!!! Its all the same. I work tomorrow yay! and then I am having coffee with my friend Katie who is home from college for fall break, then sunday i am contemplating going to VA. I really want to go but.... Its such a long drive and the annual cotton ginning days are in town and the family almost always all goes together so we will see:)

Mark 9:23

Well i am exhausted. Not getting sleep has finally gotten to me. I had a productive day. I love my job. My employees are wonderful. My customers are sweet and I love my family. I am finally caught up on my school work all except math ugh and tomorrow is my half birthday and favorite day of the week:) Times like these are Serendipity. "If you can'" said Jesus "Everything is possible for he who believes" This verse is exactly how I am feeling. I am hopefully going to south park with my Adam and then I work Saturday with my great new employee, Kelly and the bestest comes home. I might try to go to virginia to spend the day with my grandparents on sunday. I really miss my mimi and need to spend as much time as possible with them while they are in such rough unpromising health. Then on Monday I am supposed to be doing things with like 3 different people so we will see. Leave it to me to over commit myself haha just like me :P

Isaiah 41:13

So I have this fear, Its a simple fear that many would never guess I have because I am so independent. I have a fear of being alone. Not dating wise, just in general. For some reason I use to have a fear of eating or getting coffee by myself. It might be because I have so many great friends and I am almost always surrounded by them. But I admire they "cool people" in restuarants and coffee shops chilling with the laptop or book and the ipod just chilling by themselves. They look so relaxed and at peace with themselves. I have always felt weird when even picking up things to go by myself, much less eat an entire meal by myself. Well i finally conquered that silly fear on Monday. I walked to Nothing but Noodles (my new fav) by myself and ate a meal by myself with my laptop and felt completely content. It was the funniest thing. I read this verse "For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13 and this is exactly what I felt. Someone had just taken my hand and taken the burden and showed me how to be by myself. I am generally happy to be by myself. My parents think I am the weirdest teenager ever because I am happiest with my music, my shoes and quiet. I am pretty happy with the person I have become I don't really have and regrets.

Well I am considering a new tattoo. A crown.... Sarah means God's Princess and its pretty much why my parents named me it. My name all together means Princess by the grace of God. I love it. I always have thought they did a good job naming me and I thought I was going to get my crown as my first tattoo but decided to start small and didn't want to give my dad a heart attack all at once. I think I may go get what I have in mind priced tomorrow night and if I can get one of my wonderful, tolerant :) friends to go with and its less than 80 some dollars I may go ahead and get it. I mean I do get paid tomorrow haha. I remember when I first was considering getting a tattoo I put a lot of thought and prayer into it. I had heard from my mothers brother (a baptist minister) how horrible they were and how much the baptist church frowned upon them. I was scared. I had some feeling that God would forget me or stop loving me if I went through with it. Unconditional love is so hard to comprehend but I found this amazing article by Thomas Nelson and it clarified God's view in the bible of tattoos' He wrote of Leviticus 19:28 "You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks on you: I am the LORD". However he also references Lev. 19:19 which was "Nor shall a garment of mixed linen and wool come upon you". So if they consider a tattoo sinful they most also toss all their cotton/poly blend clothing too. He also references to the book of romans where it speaks of Jesus paid the price for our sins so we no longer have to try to clean ourselves to be worthy of our God. This all made me feel a lot better. Then I got to thinking, I believe God meant these tattoos as things that were going to send other brother to sin such as a naked lady or satanic type tattoos. My tattoos completely point to God. Matthew 5:9 and a crown to symbolize I am a princess of the king of kings. No one can argue with that and even if they do its not my problem. I am right with God and thats all I need.

Now i am going to force myself to fall asleep before ten o'clock and wake up early enough to pick up Hannah's surprise and blog before work :)

Psalm 144:2

Worthy of love

I have struggled with this concept for a while like oh lets say some three years:)

I first heard it in this Bethany Dillon Song "Beautiful" and in the chorus the line says

"Just want to be worthy of Love" from that moment on it struck a chord in my heart. For a while I strived for it, Then pondered on it then for a while convinced myself God created us all worthy of love. One day I sat down and I heard the song again so I started searching through the bible and found Matthew 5:48 "Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect". SO... We are not created worthy or perfect though he sees us this way. Haha Dumb me so I searched deeper for answers Psalm 144:2 "He is my loving God and my fortress, my strong hold and my deliverer, my shield in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me" Many of you might not see this as relevant but it led me to think on how worthy our God is of love.. I started thinking God does not love us because we are worthy, because we are not, We are worthy because he loves us and that makes us worthy of love. Such a revelation:)

Today should be a good day! its my last day of my yucky art class and I got to sleep till one today because I took the day off and took my turn at staying home with my sweet sister who is under the weather yuck! I am going to write tonight about facing my fear which I did monday but TOTALLY forgot to write about it :) off to start the day

leviticus 19:18

i have come to terms, i am a hopeless romantic.

my favorite song of all times are tied

The way you look tonight-Frank Sinatra

La Vie en Rose - Pretty much anyone

i love any movie where the good guy gets the girl

and kisses her in the rain and never cheats.

He buys her the perfect ring, her friends love him

he is patient, kind and absolutely amazing looking.

He cooks, he cleans, he only wants true happiness for her

and he can dress like no other.

I am NOT ever going to STOP believing this will happen to ME someday!!!

I honestly feel like there is someone out there who meets every single one of my standards.

My problem is talking myself into wasting time with these silly boys who are pretty much broken, dumb, immature, emotionally unattached jerks and trying to fix them which honestly isn't EVER in a million years going to happen. I mean first of it is really selfish of me to try to fix someone who isn't broken to their future "Mrs.". Which I mean don't take this the wrong way I am not really looking for my "Mr." but at my age I feel it is important to keep in mind there must be enough of you left once you get done with all the "Mr " that your still able to get THE "Mr. " Another thing that is wrong with "fixing" someone is who are you? I mean honestly God made them that way for a reason. It may be a heart break from the bitch before or he is at a rough stage in his life. This made me think back on Leviticus 19:18 "Do not speak revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord." Basically this is one of the hardest things I face. ever. I hold grudges like no other. I didn't talk to my bff from childhood for two years because I couldn't come to terms enough to forgive her. How am I going to love a jerk, sorry I mean a man as I love myself when he is selfish, mean, doesn't give a damn about me or my feelings and has admitted to this in nonverbal ways, again and again. I know i am almost just as much to blame because I kept coming back. All so much to take on.

Well it was a good day overall, kind of fast felt like I couldn't catch up with it.. probably my lack of sleeping. Therefore I am going to bed EARLY tonight!!!

Revelation 1:18

I have been mesmerized by this amazing song, Revelation by Third Day for some while and when I looked up the lyrics I only fell in deeper. One line that really hit me "Tell me should I stay here, or do I need to move" I am not quite sure why it hit me maybe cause I am at such a crucial part in my life and I really do strive to be where he wants me. This song also drew me to the book of the bible of the same title. The verse that stuck out the most was 1:18 "I am the living one: I was dead and behold I am alive forever and ever! I hold the keys of death and Hades" That is such a cool and calming thought to me. The God who gave me life also holds the keys to Hades and death and has the last say. God is great.

I started thinking back for some reason today and I started thinking about my baby sister. She has the sweetest soul out of anyone I think I have ever met. I love her so much though she is at the most irritating age ever. I worry about her so much. She is such a follower and can be talked into just about anything. If I don't move away after I graduate from CPCC it will probably be because of my concern. I feel like my parents don't realize how much trouble is NOW in middle school. You hear of so many kids having kids and "lipstick parties" and drinking when they are 11-14ish years old!?!?!?!?!?! I mean seriously this is sick!! I don't know what I will do when this stage in her life comes. When I think she is old enough to party I will come to terms with it but NOT when she is not even driving a car!!!!! Its all too much to take on and another reason why I never want to have children.

I am finally talking myself into realizing I don't have time for a relationship and I really need to work on discovering more of who I want to be. I was listening to this song today and it said "Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good" and man did it make me feel great! Because this is true! I deserve someone who treats me as well as I treat them and I honestly don't think I have ever gotten that from a relationship. I mean I have had some great relationships but I feel like I was always the one who gave the most and i am DONE WITH IT!

Its my turn!!! Proverbs 7:10-11 are my goal now " Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold. For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you can desire can compare with her." I have to go back to happy I was with myself and who I had become before the last couple "speed bumps" that weren't worth my time.

1 Timothy 4:12

So here i am being bored out of my brains in the library at my school ugh..X( next to last day in art class THANK GOD!! that teacher is insane!! She cam to school when she was infected with H1N1 yes .... The swine flu!! The only positive thing about this class is my new friend Kelsey, she's such a doll but pretty much everyone else in that class has the "everyone is out to get me and working against me attitude" which TOTALLY doesn't work well with me! They are rude and obnoxious!

My new verse is 1Tm 4:12 Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity I love it!!! Its like where God is talking to the young and makes clarification that he DOESNT talk over the youth's head and doesnt think anyone else should either.

I am definitely in a pretty amazing mood today and I cannot even figure out why! The weather is pretty much disgusting and my baby sister is sick, and I haven't gotten really anything at all done but I still have a glow and a bounce in my step. Part of it might be because I got to wear my ADORABLE pink rain boots:) I was soo excited! even though the weather is making my hair super frizzy . I love how much I love shoes though they are simple they can truly brighten my day but just being adorable.

I am really excited about the direction my store is going and I am totally surprised at the positive feedback I am getting. Last week was just so negative I suppose God knew I needed some rays of sun to help me get through it.