I wish I was smart enough to go to medical school. I would really love to fix people. Emotionally that is. Tonight one of my ex's, not going to mention a name I am going to use the name Red. He was absolutely horrible to me, used me manipulated me and all I got out of my relationship with him was hurt. The majority of my friends hate him and would love to do horrible things to him. But honestly this is going to sound cocky but I feel for him. He doesn't realize how much one person (that person being me) cared about him and he has lost that person and if he died tomorrow he would die lonely. He asked me what went wrong and I straight up told him and gave him some truthful advice. Now rather he takes it or not is another story. I felt really great about this situation when I realized I never felt one bit of attachment to him. Its so funny how you get over people you never thought you would. "The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." I began thinking about my relationship with Red and it really makes me thankful that he treated me like shit...... It makes me appreciate Metro even more. It helps me to acknowledge how truly blessed I am to have such a wonderful man who knows or somewhat knows how great I am. I am looking back at all my relationships and I truly feel like they have all helped me, if it was to appreciate myself or to appreciate what I have it all led me to this rode, where I am the happiest I have ever been. The only relationship I cannot figure out what I learned is the one with, well lets call him Black beard. He was great for a bit but turns out he cheated on me, with my best friend. Like he would literally leave me to sleep with my best friend then come back when he was done, all while I was oblivious. How did I benefit from this? Not to trust? To stay scared to get attached because anyone, literally anyone could take advantage of you that way. Its not one of those hurts you get over its like a worry thats added to your load. " Better a poor man whose walk is blameless than a fool whose lips are perverse." I learned not to settle with, Lets call him Clinton. I dated him for two years and I was happy literally half a year out of those two. I felt lucky to date him and catered to him, worried about his happiness all the while I drifted into a depressed state because his ass hole of a self didn't give a damn about my feelings. The only person who knew how manipulative he was, was my mom. She knew not to pressure me into leaving him. She knew that when I commit to something I commit full heart and that I needed to realize myself or I would never learn. Sure I feel like I wasted two years of high school that I could have had a better time and learned more and been more involved like I loved to be but instead I was on the sidelines of his ball games or nursing him from surgery, but I also learned that if you don't take care of yourself then why should someone else? "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse." I learned from, lets call him coach that not all men are who they say they are, he made himself out to be a huge christian with big dreams who turned out to be a creep wanting sex. "Treacherous, rash conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone." I feel like I have made it pretty far and I am happy I have learned as much as I have in such a quick amount of time. These are only the major relationships I have had, therefore I learned the most from them.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
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