Proverb 1:33

wow, everytime I think I can be any happier God throws more wonderful things into my lap. Last night I started sketches that could be the start of a line I never thought I would have an interest in.......... Maternity Clothes. Crazy I know, I mean really who would have thought with me I have ultimately no interest in EVER in a million years having children or possibly even getting married but it just started flowing from my pencil and they are a bit rough as of now but are in general a very solid start. I started with wedding gowns and quite honestly they look like shit. I can come up with the dresses in my head but it is so dern hard to get them onto paper. But I am going to work on it. " but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm" I have many marketing ideas for my brand which would be named "What would Jesus wear" I would have a bible verse in every tag. He is just laying all of these ideas in my lap.

Romans 12:2

Well.... I am yet again neglecting my blog.. my life has been way way too hectic!! but to make it short Metro met 2/3 of fab four and it went well. I went to the thanksgiving dance and it was fun and now all of them have gone back to school. Metro met my mom and sister and that went well and I am pretty content with my life. I am finally beginning to catch up haha. Today like not even ten minutes ago a thought crossed my mind. What is your life about?

I think that is such a hard question to even begin to answer. I don't know if its because I am young and my life has just truly begun or what but I don't like not having that answer. I feel like I do all I can to make the world a better place what does that really mean? I mean we all have a general answer, world peace, love and happiness but what about when it comes to the specifics? We all have different opinions and what about when they clash. "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect". Such confusion. I think I am at the start of something.

Mark 6:34

I am scared shitless. Everything in my life is going so perfect i can barely enjoy it all. I have the best family in the whole wide world, my friends are so amazing and I don't quite understand why God put such a perfect man in my life. Metro is absolutely the most perfect man i have met ever. Seriously I honestly, one hundred percent would not change a thing about him. NOT ONE SINGLE THING!!! I think this is the first time in my life I am talking to a guy i don't want to fix. Its refreshing in so many ways its not possible to put into words. My work life is going pretty awesome too!!! We have been so so busy!!!!!! VERY productive :) "And he said to her , Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering". Life is Good

John 15:13

Its been a rough couple of days. Too much stress= exhaustion. I literally slept 15 hours last night. I went to bed at midnight and didn't get up until 3:30. Work has been so hectic and backed up which leads to everyone at each others necks which leads to stress and not getting as much done as you need to. I am learning to balance everything out and I am extremely blessed to have such wonderful, patient people around me. This week will be a week of thanks giving. I want to make a point to literally tell everyone I am thankful for I am thankful for them and the certain little thoughtful things they do that make them them. I am so lucky to have as many wonderful friends I have and I know there is a purpose God has put each and everyone of them around me. "Greater Love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" This bible verse applies to me in many ways. I am so attached to my friends. I am think I am the best friend I can be to them the majority of the time. I am the friend you can call when you need to talk or come pick you up. I have friends that are absolutely worth it to me. I don't have any idea where I would be without them

1 Peter 4:8

Wow, my life is completely out of control again. very, very stressed therefore I am even more tired and on top of it I am getting ready to start my "lovely" time of the month, FML haha it will all get better. One of the fab four is coming home tomorrow!!! YAY and i am taking a half day on Friday!!! And Metro is meeting my parents on Friday night :) Shall be fun... I dont think he realized what he is getting himself into! STILL so much homework which I haven't even started and my classes are going to be even more consuming next semester. Its all a balance and I am working at it "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins". I am having some issues with containing my temper. I work with someone with very shallow incosistent disrespectful ignorant ideas she likes to pester everyone else with and it is extremely unnerving!!! I seriously feel like my blood pressure is raising every time she enters a room!!! I am definitely praying hard on it to learn to love her. Also the silly little petty things that come with working with all women is definitely stressful. THINGS WILL GET BETTER! tomorrow is Thursday!!! yay!!!!! :)

Jeremiah 12:3

Hunger for truth. Those three words are exactly how my heart is feeling. I just feel like I want to accomplish so much greater than myself. I was literally brought to tears tonight by complete, passion for God. I was looking at the Passion tour '09 in Atlanta and it inspired me in so many ways and helped me to see more clearly what God has laid in my lap. I do so much more good than I realize. I think God has had me doing it blind sighted for a while because I generally do things by the way I feel, then I think it through. I am more than likely not going to go to the conference but I do want to get involved with something bigger than myself that I can help to flourish and grow and become closer to God. I haven't determined it yet but I know I will find it. I do not think it is church. I have such bitter feelings towards organized religion. I have been hurt repeatedly by churches, and denominational attitudes that have just come between me and God (not literally but have interupted the flow of my relationship with God) and I just can't see myself at 18 years old, on the peer of adulthood finding a church family where I will flourish and develop as a christian. I know that church's are made up of humans, AKA not PERFECT creatures but I feel more at home, welcomed, loved and less judged in pretty much anywhere but a church. I am sick of being hurt and discouraged by people who claim to have the same love and similar views as I. It hurts and thats when I am questioning God the most, when other people who claim to also be his children turn against me instead of treating me as their sister. "Yet you know me, O Lord; you see me and test my thoughts about you" I will pray further and know that my path will be lit.

Colossians 1:10

Beginning.................................. Such a positive word. Totally what I am feeling at this very moment. I just feel like I have fresh eyes to everything. Everything is new and an experiment. I love this! I am in the process of cleaning my room and "getting back to basics" I am planning on getting my paints back out for the first time in a long, long while and sleeping the day away tomorrow :) I feel very, very free. No commitment, no obligations, just me and Jesus time! Reflection, Growth, development and direction. Thats precisely what I want and I just hope and pray that distractions are destroyed and put away. It has been a STRESSFUL week. I really needed this calm atmosphere God is providing for me. Its so easy to forget that he is the one who is providing this all for you. "And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God". I think I may read the Prayer of Jabez again. I have not read it in several years and I have a need right now for more logic behind these feelings I have for God. Luckily, that is a good thing Metro has rubbed off on me. I want more reason behind my feelings and beliefs. I truly believe a relationship with God is something you feel not think first and from that HUGE, WONDERFUL discovery (beginning) you start thinking about why you feel this way and with God's guiding hand you discover the reasoning. I am also going to be borrowing a christian book from a friend of mine about "loving like Jesus" 1 John 4:7-8, I can't really remember the name right now but when I do I will OF COURSE blog about it :)

Romans 14:10

Good night with metro and my friend and her husband and their little girl. Watched "The ugly truth" and ate Sake and chatted. I have decided I do not agree with the Ugly truth. I honestly feel like men are generally misunderstood and more in depth creatures who do not understand how to express their emotions as well as most women do. I mean I have no idea how it feels to have to deal with getting horny over stupid stuff all the time. Or having to amount to the tough guy macho man stereotype that every man is supposed to amount to. I mean I know that women have stupid stereotypes that they are supposed to amount to, everyone things I am dying to get married and have children when in true honesty thats the last thing I want right now and the very thought of pushing a child out of my body makes me want to kill myself. Or the blonde stereotype, or the everyone grows up to be a house wife. It generally sucks. I just like giving guys the benefit of the doubt that they aren't using me, they really do want a connection and closeness to another person. "Love does no harm to its neighbor, Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law". If the ugly truth was in existence it would cause harm to most women, because we do not want to be wanted for solely physical reasons, we need an emotional connection and longing to keep us content. I am also a hopeless romantic who truly believes God has someone just for me. I know God is faithful, and loves me the most that anyone has, will, or can love me and knows what I need and gives it to me rather I want it or not.

Psalm 18:32-34

Never a dull moment:) Long day at work, YUCKY YUCKY weather, texted Metro the majority of the day and a LOVEly dinner with my mama at Panera, now off to force myself to do homework....UGH! I also need to make it to bed earlier than I did last night considering I need to get up at 7:30 to register for classes for spring semester. "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. "

Proverbs 3:6

Wow.. eventful day, i discovered that earlier in the year a relationship i had was practically a joke. My friend from work set me up with a guy i totally had the hots for and he and i hung out for a bit and shared a lot of deep secrets, truly bonded... or so i thought. It turns out the whole time he was cheating on me with her, then they were secretively a couple after i lost interest in him, ouch. can you say soap opera? Now she is pursuing interest in his bff that i am friends with and asked me not to say anything to him. While in the mean time my ex-whatever wants me back and "I realized how good I had it and how i wronged you and miss you and want you back". Well my first instinct was to slash his tires and key his car, then i realized wait.... you are happy, you have someone who respects you and is worth your time, effort and sweet gestures, SCREW HIM! so i told him that i was sorry he was a little too late and i was completely happy with my new guy and wanted nothing to do with him. Then I watched a movie with my new guy, (from this post on I am going to call him Metro :) and he reminded me with his sweet presence, class and just general consideration for my feelings that I truly deserve more than i have been settling for. My relationship thus far with Metro has been exactly what I need. He is in know way clingy and is mature and is extremely considerate for people in general (not just me). I haven't felt restricted as I generally do when I have a new man friend. I am at such a peace with everything in my life right now. "In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." I feel as though God is giving me strength because I have so much going on and this is such a "forming" stage in my life. I am learning and discovering things about real/adult life everyday. Things that will affect the kind of adult I will be.

Exodus 33:14

Wow. another good day:) started off late i was so exhausted and still am, then straightened the room ate breakfast (for once in my life) and got dressed and went to Gastonia and shopped a bit then back home, went through my sisters winter clothes, watched SNL went to dinner with my man friend and then coffee:) I haven't met anyone who can make me smile as much as he does ever. He makes me laugh and i think that is why i am so attracted to him. Its not like other guys i have been attracted to before, i think this is the difference between attraction and lust. They can be hard to distinguish. The only thing I don't really agree with is he has no religious/spiritual association and that scares me. I have been in relationships before with guys who don't believe in God and they have not been good for me. But he is also different he has a reason he doesn't believe in it. He has educated himself in the history of philosophy and believes in was created so people would have a common ground to communicate peacefully. I believe that it is a thing you feel not think. I feel God and you can't talk me out of it. I know he is there and he makes himself know on a daily basis in my life. It scares me that someone can function without acknowledging him. But we will see how it goes, he is in no way disrespectful of my faith, just simply doesn't agree with it. I think I can be OK with it. Just going to wait and see. "The Lord replied, My presence will go with you, and I will give you the rest." Powerful, the majority of God's word seems to me like he wants us to succeed, He doesn't want you to fall on your face he wants you to learn and will only give you the struggles he knows you can make it through. This reminds me of a quote i read a while back "God doesn't give you the people you want in your life he gives you the people you need" Which is very, very, true. Looking back I wish I hadn't associated with some of the people I associated with but if I hadn't I wouldn't be the person I am today, and know what I know.

Psalm 48:14

Wow i am to the point of being exhausted that I don't even think i am exhausted. Crazy fast weekend, full of hurt, healing, reality check, love, laughter, beginnings, endings, and a lot more that is too deep for blogging:) lets just say i have a lot of thinking to do. My uncle was 55 years old!! Thats 3 years older than my mom, its a lot to swallow at once. "For this is God, Our God forever and ever; He will be our guide even to death." Now off to sleep :)

Ecclesiastes 1:1-2

GOOD night, GOOD GOOD night. Thats all i have to share about that one... Well i am off for the weekend for a very EXTREMELY hard weekend:( I have to say good bye to my sweet great uncle Barney. He is my papaws baby brother. He was diagnosed with a terminal disease two years ago and then had an incident about 2 weeks ago and then yesterday at 1:00 they took him off life support. I am very apposed to this but hey.. it wasn't really my call i guess. He is the first of the "king legacy" to go. There are five kids in my grandpa's family and i have been so extremely blessed to be around these amazing people. I love every single one of them and they have proved their love and compassion to me time after time. They act the way family is SUPPOSED to act and call to check on you every once in a while. IT will be SOO hard on my Papaw because he took care of and raised all of his siblings because his father was an abusive, alcoholic, war veteran who got married at 15 and had 5 children by 23. They had such a hard life in such a hard time therefore it created such an extreme bond that I hope i at least have one bond in my life that even comes close to comparing. I don't do well with funerals and haven't even close to begin to come to terms with losing him. I just saw him last christmas. He looked amazing and was so happy to have his sweet grand daughters living with him, now he is gone from this earth forever. It will definitely be a healing process. I don't hope i ever have to feel what his wonderful wife Sharon is feeling right now. They were sweethearts all the way back to first grade. They were each others first and only. "A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth. It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man, the living should take this to heart" This verse has already helped me start to come to terms with things. We should stop being selfish and realize how much better off he is right now. In a way.. I am jealous, he is happier and feeling so much better than we are right now he should be mourning for us really.

Psalm 1:24

Well... Another hard day.. my sweet great uncle has officially died, i still don't feel good and i am seriously exhausted to the point where i am going insane. I am so extremely cranky everyone has noticed, even my employees (bless their hearts for having to deal with me) SO i made a trip to the CVS (hehe so many funny trips to that place) and bought some lavender soap (my very favorite scent) and the new Instyle mag with my FAVORITE actress Reese Witherspoon on the cover. Things are going to get better.... I KNOW IT i mean i kind of have to i am in such a slump right now i think hope is what is getting me out of the bed and dressed in the morning " Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD" Well work again tomorrow and then time again with my man friend:) then its MY WEEKEND:) yay!! retail therapy with my sissy then VA for the weekend

2 Timothy 1:7

Bad day gone good, make that a HORRIBLE day gone wonderful:) always an extreme with me. I started out not feeling well and feeling as though i hadn't accomplished much and were yet again having employee drama, i forgot to eat lunch therefore my sugar got super extremely low and they took my great uncle off of life support. Then i went to coffee with my "man friend" he is absolutely one of the sweetest people i have ever met hands down. He made me laugh and listened to me complain about me awful day. We have the same views in politics and most things in general and he is just sweet in general. BUT i am still so scared. Well off to bed work tomorrow "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

2 Peter 1:3

Wow.. ANOTHER hectic day, I am begining to think my life is never going to settle down. That everything will always be hectic. But I am ok with it, I would rather have a billion things to do than be miserable I am so proud of myself I have finished all of my homework for the week except 35 math problems. I steered far of facebook and finished 3 classes of a weeks worth the work in an hour. Going to bed early thank god I think i may be getting sick, I have been sneezing my head off all day and now have a runny nose. I hope to go in early tomorrow so I am off to bed early. I am figuring out my romantic life right now too. I have an amazing, classy adorkable gentleman in my life who is so great to me already BUT... I am soo freaking scared. I have been hurt too many times and already have so much stuff to do. I mean I do only have 24 hours in a day, so we will just see where it goes I guess...... I just feel like I need something to organize my crazy mess of a life. Like I am not making the most of my life and need to get more accomplished. "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness". I think i have what I need already in front of me I just need to realize it and put it to use.

Romans 8:26

Well.... Interesting week to say the least. I have never felt so alone in my life. There is a quote that describes the way I feel perfectly "Throwing punches in the air". I just feel hopeless and exhausted even though I have so much going for me right now. At home I have so many people at home being so supportive I just am having issues adjusting to my new lifestyle. I feel like I am missing out on some part of my life like moving out and going away to school but I know that would lead to distraction and considering how intense of a career I am aiming towards would not work out. Its extremely short sighted and immature for me to even think about moving out at this point but while i am busting it working and going to school my friends are out making more friends and having the time of their lives. I don't know if I should just stop going to see them or what but every single time I come home from one of my little trips I come home feeling as though I am not accomplishing jack shit and I am missing out on a fun part of life and I am going to regret it later. Though in far sight I will be more successful and accomplish my dream. I WILL NOT be the first to move back in with their parents after moving out on my own and I will pay for my own stuff. The interview I supposably am receiving hasn't e-mailed me back since wednesday so I don't exactly know what this means and I can feel my yearly bout of seasonal depression come back. Every single year around this time I get so down in the dumps I barely have the will power to get dressed. Halloween was fun but I am not going to lie I was disappointed and I luckily realized that I am not the only one feeling insufficient. My friend Emily feels the same way. She lives at home and is working on her second degree. I am just fed up in general and I NEED a good week. "In the same way, the spirit helps us in out weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express". Thank God knows what I need right now because I sure don't.