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Thought of the week: What is your life about?

NO literally, I mean what is your ultimate goal in life? What is the big thing you want to accomplish and all you other decisions are just small steps towards that goal? I mean really think about it and let me know. I really want to know every single person who reads my blogs goal. No goal is weird and you can totally trust me to be respectful and accepting :)

Samuel 16:18

How can you ask so you can receive what you want, if you don't know what you want? It says ask and you will receive what if I don't know what I want to receive. I am reading in my book right now about the young King David. Who had no idea how to be a king, yet God knew he had what it took. He even called him "A man after his own heart" He had the strength of a warrior and a heart of gold. I want God to talk about me like that! What do I need to do to make God think that highly of me?

Hosea 6:3

Lots going through my head, So i thought quiet time is exactly what I needed:) I really feel like lately I have been struggling with having patience. I just get so frustrated with everyone, about pretty much everything. My family bless their hearts have truly gotten the worst of it. I just am tired of getting so much done and being productive and seeing others not even try, yet they still get their pat on the back. So I am praying for a slight change of heart and for me not to notice how lazy and stupid people can be and just focus on continuing to be the best that I can be and accomplishing the most that I can accomplish. So I started thinking earlier today what If I mixed two of my biggest loves, Sign Language and travel. I am already joining the interpreter program at my school. What If I could find a ministry that I could travel to other countries and help deaf and hard of hearing? I could see that as being ultra fulfilling and meaningful. "Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth" I have also continued with my Beth Moore study of David and oh my gosh talk about a revelation, the one line that truly helped me to heal was this " Have you noticed how people who most ignore God are the first to blame him in tragedy?" This is so extremely true. If you realize who God is and how good he is to every single one of us and how he sees the big picture and he wants what is ultimately the best for you, THERE IS NO WAY you can blame him.

1 John 3:17

Why does he love us? What is so great about mankind that he loves us so much and has given us so much? I have been reading about Hannah, mother of Samuel. She wanted to be a mother so badly she made a promise with God to give him back after a mere 3 years to be raised in the church. Can you imagine, wanting something so bad and then after 3 years giving it back. She did it without hesitation because she knew how to obey God. I aspire to be such an obedient woman of God. When I first read I felt as though I wanted to do something drastic and give another woman what I had and she didn't and I did, (my eggs, surrogacy somewhere down the road) But then I reread it and realized, being such a nurturing person I need to keep it in check because this store should show me how God can give us what we want and how being obedient we strengthen our relationship with God, not that I should share with others and possibly be shorting them a miracle God can give them. I may eventually still share my gifts with others just because I feel as though its the christian thing to do. "If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? " But I need to keep in mind when nurturing others and being supportive through their trials and tribulations my advice should point to God because he is the only one who can fix everything.

1 John 4:8, 1 Peter 4:8

Can people who don't believe in God truly love? I mean, I think they think they love but they don't. I mean if you can't believe in the person who created love and set the ultimate gift of love bar then how could you believe in it? In 1 John 4:8 it says "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. " and in 1 Peter 4:8 it says "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. " and considering atheist don't believe in the acknowledgement of sin, well they truly don't because they don't repent it then I find it also proves my point. I truly feel as though I have been betrayed. I have discovered that I would rather someone cheat on me than lie to me and when someone who doesn't even know what love is, tells me they love me that hurts more than anything else in the whole world. Today started as a good day and got bad as the day went on. My internship went well, learned a lot and will hopefully continue to, I really L-O-V-E the wedding industry no matter how crazy, dramatic, weird the brides are. I feel like none of my friends are supportive right now. One friend, and one colleague and my parents asked how my well anticipated internship went. Ridiculous I am sick of being everyone else's cheerleader. DAMNIT where's my cheerleader? I mean I may not be the most available or unbusy and I am occasionally moody but I AM ALWAYS HAPPY FOR YOU. I Always bash your boyfriends when they dump you or when someone is mean to you I am first to fluff you back up or I even call or text if I know someone has something important going on to check how it went to congratulate or make you feel better. I am sick of it. I want a friend like me. I know you are never suppose to say that but I truly mean it. I hope things turn around. I am just so extremely down. Now to bed to get ready to get up to take a test to see if I apply to get another part time job, this one paying $15/an hour. :) Pray for me

WATCH ME

this is what influenced my twenty minutes of silence

Jonah 4:1-11

This is going to be a quick post, I am exhausted! So last night after reading the book of Jonah I started thinking about it and to be quite honest, I got lost. Jonah 4:1-11 had me so confused I was frustrated. I have never been so lost about God's word. It is about God creating a vine and Jonah not even noticing the vine simply enjoying the shade and all the while he was upset with God for using him to save all those people. I did not understand Why would Jonah be upset that God was using him? I thought as a christian we are supposed to want a purpose. Then on my car ride There was a sermon about jobs, fufilling Gods will and how many people we come in contact with in a day. One question was, Are you doing your job as Christ would do it? The thing that truly hit me was There is a reason God put every single person in your life. The woman who you see everyday at the coffee shop, the mail man, your dry cleaning lady, EVERYONE and a lot of them have spiritual needs that are not being filled. Everyday we are supposed to make a step closer towards them to share God's presence word, love. Then this led to me thinking, how many people does God put me in contact with each day. I work 3 hours where many are strangers who frequently return, I go to school in a town 45 minutes away where I am surrounded by people, I have recently become friends with two new girls, I visit two college campuses, at least one coffee shop, two gas stations and at least one fast food restaurant ALL IN ONE WEEK. God is truly using me! Whereas earlier in the day I was so frustrated and I wanted a new life, I realized wow God is using me and I don't even notice it. I have began a bible study about David, (ironic I know) and his heart. I mean I want a heart that is worthy of God being Amazed so I know its going to take a lot of work. One thing I have started is twenty minutes of silence with God. Its more than reflection time, I have that too. Its, no radio, phone, ipod, tv, internet its just me and God investigating my life. This time is when I realized what God was showing me through Jonah. That I was resenting my job and coming into contact with all of those people because I thought I could find something better. Whereas in reality God is truly using me and I need to embrace it. I feel like these little steps I am taking, Blogging every day, Reflection time, 20 minutes of silence, Bible study are helping me to my goal, CONSUMED.

Jonah 1-4

So still very prayerful. I started thinking today (on my 2 and a half hours in the car to and from school blah) how far I have come from last year around this time. This time last year I felt so used and wasted up and wanted a quick fix so i dated around. I had lost my first real love and it ended badly, of course I internally blamed myself and just started dating all these jerks. It would last a week and I would toss them out. I knew they could not fill the hole that Parker had left. So i got a bit wild and young, experienced high school in ways I had never experienced it and it was all fun and games. Then I made friends with a great group of girls and they were supportive, sweet and accepting and we all were like glue all summer. Then they all went back to school and I realized maybe it wasn't a Parker sized hole it was a not realizing what I truly wanted and deserved sized hole. During the summer, with my girls and our silly nights, beach trips and break ups I had wayy wayy more fun than I ever did with Parker. I started caring about myself and what I needed and how I felt, this never happens when I am in a relationship for some reason. I am a terrible half of We. I am a great girlfriend but I am terrible to myself. I change what I want for someone else and thats completely stupid. Definitely not what I am about. Then I met a couple of guys and then I met David and at first it was different with him, I was a good half of a we. I still got what I needed to done and did what I wanted but then as it progressed I had a relationship relapse and became a we and no longer a me. When I commit to things I commit full heartedly and this is a downfall in this situation. Therefore I am officially boy fasting. I need to discover who I am more as a person before I involve someone else in it. Right now I am studying about a line in one of my favorite songs, it says "Look inside my heart, and be amazed " What could amaze God? I mean he created everything, flowers, seasons, new babies, what could be so amazing about my heart to him? How can I ever measure up to making God feel Amazed ?

I read the book of Jonah tonight. I had never realized how severely human Jonah is. He ran from God was placed in the belly of a whale, rescued and used to bring a message to the great city of Ninevah, where there are a hundred and twenty thousand people who obeyed God's command through Jonah, yet Jonah is angry at God. How does that happen? He didn't want to be used? Thats like people who run from their ministry call in life and later reclaim it. I truly don't want to be a Jonah I want to chose Gods will first.

Isiah 40:4-5

So... Have you ever wanted to say something, But you couldn't, the timing was off and if you did you knew you would regret it. I am totally in this predicament. Everyone pray that I keep my mouth closed :) Right now I am hungering for something much larger than me. Direction- What am I supposed to do with myself to glorify God and leave a Legacy that points directly to him. I am currently getting a degree in Business but What should I do after this? Where does God want me? I know what I want to do but I need to find out what I should do. I always went through high school knowing that I wanted to go to Parsons School of Design of NYC and earn a degree in Fashion Studies then go on to become a fashion merchandiser or runway manager or closet manager for a magazine. My plans have changed several times after I graduated. At first I wanted to go to UNC-Charlotte and get my degree there then I checked out Chapel Hill, then college of charleston, then clemson. Now I am looking at City College of New York. The tuition is cheap, its in manhattan and they have a marvelous degree that I want!! Its a bachelor in Mass Communications/ Marketing degree. Therefore I could go on to be a PR. I will also have my degree in business administration with a concentration in retailing so I could go on to do management, retailing, marketing, a little bit of everything I love. I truly want my MBA. I would be the first on my mom's side to earn a masters and I know my mimi would be thrilled so I hope to do it in her lifetime. Right now I am concentrating on my current grades and praying for his will. For some reason I have had an urge to go out of the country. Maybe Peace Corp? something of that nature? I want to be apart of something bigger than me. "Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill be made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the Lord will be revealed and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken."

This video meant a lot to me

http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docid=-6673258687162364513&hl