Ephesians 6:10

So, I have started a new trend with myself. I call it emotionally cutting. I sit at home and proceed to make myself miserable and feel guilty by watching our videos, looking at our pictures, listening to stupid coldplay, and thinking back on when he would surprise me with my favorite candy and how good he was at making me laugh. It hurts. I am sure the reason I keep doing this is because I feel guilty. I couldn't show him God. He still doesn't acknowledge who made him. He never saw God shine through me. What could I have done? What did I do wrong? I want him to go to heaven even if he's not suppose to be with me. It hurts. He will never pray for me. He doesn't celebrate Christmas or Easter for the rightful reasons. All the little things I never realized matter truly do. I will never ever date the same. "Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his might. " I think I need to stop blaming myself and continue to become CONSUMED in what truly matters.