Psalm 39:7

Finally back to post. TOO much going on. I didn't realize how much I was taking on when I decided to take a night class every night mon-thur. and work 4-6 hours a day tue-sat and have a family and wonderful boyfriend and have friends every which and way that I miss and want to visit and then in march two online classes start. OH joy and to throw into the mix I am hating my job. I have never hated my job before. I use to love my store that I helped to start and I managed but honestly now its the reason I don't want to get out of bed anymore. I am just so tired and I feel like its aging me. I keep forgetting how old I am. Most people my age are out meeting new people and having a good time and learning tons in college, while I am stressing about how to make more money, new promotions, employees etc etc. I don't go out anymore and I never want my boyfriend to take me on dates anymore all I ever want is to watch movies and order in. What I do when I get fed up now is spend money and to be quite honest I don't need anymore stuff. I don't like who I am becoming. I need a fresh start and Its only Jan. I really truly and sincerely want to move out of the state and find a fresh start. Only thing holding me back is finances and my sister. I don't have the money to just go out and get a place, and my sister is starting middle school next year and I need to be there for her. If I had a big sister when I was in middle school It would have made it a lot easier to handle. There is a different kind of bond between sisters than there is between a mom and a daughter. and I just know she cant tell mom the kind of things she can tell me. So basically I am stuck. I know my mother thinks I am a spoiled brat so I can't ask for her help and I know she is trying so hard to get the hang of running a business but I feel like somewhere in the mix she forgets she is my mom at home. I am just so depressed and down and I really need a break. I don't understand what God is teaching me. I feel like the people I am surrounded by that are my age are just idiots. None of them are accomplishing anything and they expect everything to be handed to them and I am fed up with it. I just need to realize that if I move there is more than likely going to be people like them everywhere."But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you" It will get better, honestly I probably just need an attitude adjustment. I have so much going for me that I don't even realize. I have great parents, my sister has the sweetest soul out of anyone else I have ever met, I have the greatest friends that I know are only a phone call away, and I am in a relationship with the most selfless, compassionate man I have ever had the honor to much less meet and I am dating him :) Luckily the weekend after next is my weekend in Charleston and John Mayer and that should be absolutely AMAZING:) i am so ready!! I love Charleston and FOUR entire days away will be exactly what I need.